Sarah Koscielniak

Ah yes, my last post was done almost a month ago. Crazy.

I would like to say I've matured SO much in this past month of summer. Instead, I would say that yes, I've learned... but then I just manage to find some other way to mess up and take a couple steps back.  I think this summer can be summed up of taking 2 steps forward, then 1 step back... lame. haha BUT there is forward motion, so I would say overall positive. And, the one step back reminds me of my short comings as a human, and that even if I take 2 steps forward, I still very much need God's grace, love, and strength in order to make it anywhere.  Basically--it's by God's grace that I havn't taken 3 steps back every time... haha.

I have learned that every action has a consequence, especially when dealing with other people, and that I am not as innocent/nice as I think I am.  I have, inside, this self-focused mind set, that I keep denying that I have.  I go on, stepping on others, while still saying/thinking that I am a good, loveable, kind person.  It's quite sickening sometimes! [disclaimer--this is not a "OMG I SUCK AND I HATE MYSELF type of post... it's a self-reflecting and honest one... and said in grace and humbleness...]

I also find that I very much reflect who I am with.  I struggle with finding my own identity.  It's like, I know who I am, and yet I reflect a different person/character depending on who I am with.  It is confusing to me, simply because in the end, when I go to bed at night, I know who I am and that I'm a child of God... yet I don't feel that I reflect that all the time, especially at work and with some of my work friends.  Yet. When is it good to reflect others--in order to connect with them, help them bring down their barriers, and so they feel comfortble and willing to communicate and talk about things, such as the gospel? Certainly I can't have this far offish attitude when I'm at work, and then expect people to be able to talk to me like they would a friend? Yet, I do need to be genuine to who I am. Then I'll get, "street cred, yo". Eh, I'm sitll working on how all that works out...

I went through a couple weeks where everything was wearing me down and I lost myself pretty bad. Yet, God was still faithful, and still stuck with me, and pulled me out in the end.  And now I have grown and matured in different ways.  I also am thinking a lot more about some things I hadn't thought about before.  hmm.

As the summer is coming to a close (yes, I think too far ahead...) I am starting to see the shore of FALL coming around the corner, and with that many exciting opportunities and intimidating challenges that face me.  It's at least helping me remember that all my actions have consequences.. if not here in GH and immediently, certainly in MN later...

Anyway, I suppsoe that can be the end of my rantings for now.. I'm getting excited to talk to people back at school, and for my U4C experience next year. God's going to have some pretty crazy stuff next year for everyone, I think. All praise be to GOD!

Hey. Well, I think many of the people who read this, already know this... but can we just take a second and realize how great God is?

Seriously. He's pretty amazing. NO, not just pretty amazing--he's friggen awesome.

Through the thick and thin, easy and hard, busy and slow... He's been right here at my side, holding me up, and letting me rest in his arms. I was prayed over by a dear friend of mine before school got out, and one of the things that he prayed for was that i would truly feel what it felt like to just rest in his pillow of grace.  I've been feeling that--both figuritively, but also literally. I've been SLEEPING and RESTING a lot more than I ever have... and also just really really stopping all my DOING, realizing how dirty and sinful my heart is... and yet knowing HOW CLEAN Christ has made it... all by my being with Him and trusting in him--nothing I've done on my own.

It's been a really good summer of that. laying down my pride, my cockiness--all of it. all just to try and bring GLORY to GOD. That's what it's all about, anyways. 

SO. Continual prayers that I continue to lay down and surrender my life to God would be great--and comment with any prayer requests you guys have as well.. support is so important!

 

God bless. Keep on Keeping on,
Sarah

Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly. I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior.

God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms. Drip. Drip. Drip.

He's an optimist. Bloody incurable.

Perhaps we should begin this journey with a first step.

--It's God. I have 10,000 engagements of state today but I would prefer to spend the day out here getting a wet arse, studying dandelions and marveling at... bloody spider's webs. 
--You found God, sir? 
--I think He found me. You have any idea how inconvenient that is? How idiotic it will sound? I have a political career glittering ahead of me, and in my heart I want spider's webs.

It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else and still unknown to himself.

--Do you intend to use your beautiful voice to praise the Lord... or change the world?
--We humbly suggest that you can do both.

 

These are all just a couple quotes from the movie that came out in 2006 called, Amazing Grace , a story based off of William Wilberforce, and the amazing work that he and a few others did in the 18th century of England to band the slave trade in British territories.  I've known about this movie for a couple years now--ever since reading Be The Change my Junior year of high school.  Yet, I never watched it, for some reason.  Now that I have time on my hands, I've been trying to focus on God and doing more reading and some "educational" watching of movies... movies that aren't just filth trying to get me to have sex, or drink, or waste my life on the materialistic things here... If you didn't just notice, I have a bit of a bitterness about media right now...

I know that people say we should be in the World, and know what's going on, and all that good stuff... but I think there comes a point where if you know that there's a part of you that finds that attractive, and every time you watch a movie you desire whatever it was that they were promoting... it's time to take a break from those types of medias...

ANYWAY, back to my point.

So, now that I've been in GH, people that I talk to tend to view me as a bit of a radical... someone who is a bit on the deep end with the whole "God" thing, and making needs to take a chill pill a bit.  But after watching a film like Amazing Grace, or reading scriptures, as honored as I am to be labeled those things, I know I'm nowhere close.  Yet, I do feel that God has used to be many different ways these past couple years, actually--my whole life.  Yet, When I realize the POWER of the Holy Spirit, and it being available for us, if we just accept it and follow Christ... It gets exciting, and worth talking about.

In fact, because I'm talking about it, some of my friends are worried about me. But how great would it be if I could just open up and we could all just have solid conversations about God and life and faith and the world... We grow when we talk together--when we bounce each others ideas and thoughts off of each toher, and when we actually LISTEN to each other...

I'm excited and hopeful for a summer like none other--one that's not just about my getting a tan (which I'm still doing... haha man, the sun is an amazing feeling...) but also about growing together in the GH community about life and faith and everything!

Moral of the story. I can't back  off even if I think my drive for a better world may scare some of my friends off... and I am just so thankful for how God has helped me see early on in my life, and that I continue to see, and grow, and not burn out...

SO much more that I want to share, but this needs to be it for now...

This summer will be my intense, getting to know God, summers... maybe.  I want it to be.  I want this to be a chance for me to back away for a little bit, and take a break from DOING all the time, and focus on BEING in Christ.  That should be good... but it's so much easier than said. because I want to do being.. I want there to be some way for ME to actually draw myself closer to God... but in reality it's only God that will draw me closer to him, and so I'm just in it for the right.  I need to keep remembering patience and love and just stillness while listening to God.  I was at the pier tonight, and it was so lovely just looking at the waves crash up, the stars shine break, and being completely alone.  It reminded me of how much bigger God is than all, ALL, of this is.  bigger than my summer, than SALT, than U4C or Concordia... than so many other things.  That was very very encouraging to remember that I can't screw up my life SO bad. God will take care of his creation...

God's already taught me some hard lessons in the past couple weeks... about trusting in him, even when it doesn't make sense.  It's been hard, once there are actual feelings and battles involved, but I just need to trust more and more through this time of hurt, pain and anger.  God will completely get me through.  and I'll come out a stronger woman of God for it.

So, Stacey called me tonight from the orphanage.  I really want to be down there... I got to talk to the older boys.  Fernando is in Valley of the Angels, and Jose Manuel also is no longer there... But Manuel is back. THAT was interesting to hear... anyway.  It was so great talking with some of them on the phone.  aparently Franklin has hit puberty :) Anyway... so it was really great hearing from them, but it was also very hard, because I was not able to make it back this year, and they were all asking and saying how they wished I was there. Then I talked with Jessica, and she was saying how she was so homesick and just wanted to be back home.  I thought it was so interesting, because here I was, homesick for Hondurasm wanting to be back there... But I was talking to her, and telling her "you'll get through this, the first week is the hardest, God placed you in this time and place for a reason, He'll use you in this time and help you grow..." all these things to help encourage her and remember the big picture of life.  All the while, i was mourning about how I coudn't be there.  Then I remembered, hey.  I need to remember this and take this into consideration as well...This summer will be hard for me. It will... I'm homesick for Honduras, for the Twin Cities... for doing things.  Yet this time of being home will be so stretching and hard and great, that I just need to remember that this season in my life God will use for HIS glory, and to never become to hard on myself.  I just need to remember that God's with me, and to rejoice in the "suffering".

Overall I just need to work on being OK with just being with God for some time...

So.  Honors, until senior year, is all done.  yep. That's right. it seems odd that it's all done.  I wish that there were other things we could have learned, other awesome discussions, more time together... but, all good things do come to an end, at least that's what they tell me. Over the years of being in Honors, I have met so many wonderful people, and have even made two of my best friends through Honors.  That's pretty cool.  I learned that it's possible, and even encouraged, to disagree with the professor.  And to talk with other students about the assignments, and struggle with it.  I learned that I cannot write a good paper after 1am... I learned that these are all really tough questions that have been posed to society for years and years, and that I may never get a "black and white answer."  And to be honest, That's alright.  That's really, alright. 

In fact, the past 2 years, especially this one--I find myself leaning towards that there is always a lens, always a perspective... This is hard to deal with, being a Christian.  Because, I do feel that there is truth in the world, and that only truth is Jesus.  yet, I'm learning more and more that it's not the Jesus that I may have grown up with... That anglo-long haired-blue eyed guy that had perfect complexion may not really be the Jesus of Nazareth that I thought he was.  Instead, he's something so much greater than all of that.  He's God. I fully believe that. Yet-he's not superman.  He's man, but he's not powerless and just another joe-shmo. It's this really hard and complicated thing, that I can't quite pin down--not to the Muslims that try asking me, or to my atheist friends that have left the faith long ago.  I just need to know that I, myself, am nothing. Seriously. I've got nothing to offer.  Everyone today is trying to point towards yourself, to find value in yourself, to see how great you really are...it's that "inner" beauty they always talk about.

But people. There is no inner "us" beauty.  Inside, we're dark, disgusting, sinful people.  I know, it's awesome to talk about, but it's true.  The only beauty we have in ourselves is God living in us.  That's the only thing that makes us of any value.  That sucks to hear, for someone who has been trying sooooo hard to be a beautiful women inside, away from all the superficial things... but even on the inside there's nothing I can do to be beautiful.  It's only God.  I pray that when I interact with people, that GOD'S glory would be glorified, NOT me, never me. cus, then I get cocky, and then I get over confident, and I hurt people and God's creation. woo--ok a bit of a rant, so let's continue.

Basically, how can we be witnesses of someone that we do not know? Therefore we need to KNOW God.  And taking some time to get to know him these past 2 years, even in just a glimpse, has really helped me out, and helped me be a bit more confident in this post-modern world.  And also cautious.  Cautious to people that always say they have the answer. or think that THEY are right and THE OTHER is wrong... Honors has really helped me see that not everything I hear I have to agree with... and that's mind blowing.  I was SOO open minded that everything I heard, I would just be like "OOOHHH OK! I believe that!" and now, finally, i'm starting to struggle. I'm starting to be like "well, now... when was this written? what kind of bias? why did I think something else before hand, and now all of a sudden THIS is truth?"  It's been really good to do that--Derek helped me figure that out as well...

Anyway, so. I suppose... This is the last blog for a while. Well, probably not.  I'll most likely keep going on in the summer time as well, about what God's been showing me and where he's leading me through the U4C program.  U4C reminds me quite a bit of Honors, seeing as it's a small group of people, taking intensive classes, and struggling with how to make faith and learning and living all come together.  So, I'm sure I'll have loads to say on that!

 

God has just been so good lately.  Even though the really crappy times, God has just been fantastically showing me the way he's leading me.  Thank you, God.

 

It's the blog we've all been waiting for! It's the topic of Christian Callings in a Post-Christian World.  Basically, from about 1800-Present times.  This is something that fascinates me, simply because I do feel like we're living in a Post-Christian World.  So, the author that I'm looking at specifically for this is Howard Thurman.  He was born in 1899 and raised in Florida, in poverty, by his grandma, who was a former slave.  He became a pastor for a while, and also Dean of the Chapel at Boston University.  One thing that I really respect of him specifically was his commitment to non-violence.  This helped Martin Lutheran King Jr. in his many struggles during the civil rights movement.  He answers the question, "how do I simply live as a Christian."  This is a hard question to struggle with.  Thurman answers it by saying that it is not just an individual life, but instead a community life that we live it out as.  This has been a question that has been on my heart lately, and so I'm excited to share what I have learned from Thurman's writing!

Jesus' first temptation while walking in the desert with the devil was to have food and drink.  The second temptation was to throw himself off of a building.  Finally, the third temptation, which Thurman looks at more closely, was striking "at the center of Jesus' dominant passion, to bring society under the acknowledged judgment of God and thereby insure its purification" (387).  That was to own all the kingdoms, he just had to bow to Satan.  He argues that God created everything, along with the relations among men, and so he could not bow to Satan. Yet, Satan.. being the booger he is, says that HE was the one who created it.  Yet, Jesus simply replied to his disciples to be careful of the deceitful people, and to rejoice when persecuted.  This Thurman points out to see that "the world can be made good if all the men in the world as individuals become good men"--but this is only half-truth (388).  We are all in this together!

This helps look into the public square because it looks that it cannot just be the individual saved that matters.  If we go on believing that, it truly will be just a half-truth.  Yet, when we realize that it is our relationships that we can function the glory of God! We must just have courage to go on, and a loving heart to keep on loving others and bringing them to Christ!  So, while we are supposed to be strong Christians, we are to use the public square to relate to others in the community and to build on those strengths! That's how you live simply as a Christian!

I remember in my AP Euro class, learning about the common land for the people in England, and how it was many times that the poor got the shaft and it was the Lords that had all the power.  Yet, I never did learn about Gerrard Winstanley (1609-1676), who was a tradesman in London that became a Baptist lay preacher, and then eventually going on his own adventures. It all started when him and about six other dug up the soil and started tp plant crops on these so called "common lands" that were given to all, but were being used for the Lords' grazing animals.  They then became known as "Diggers" or "Levelers"--leveling out the social classes.  This article that we read was about the Declaration of what exactly they were doing, and why they were doing it!  The question that we are addressing in this time period is: To what particular work is God calling me?  I feel like Gerrard answers that question to wherever there is need.  He went through different journeys in his life, and ended up finding an injustice, and taking a stand with just a small group, working for God's justice by actions and words! This goes onto the question of, why exactly he chose being a Digger was the way to do the work God was calling him!

He summarizes that basically, it's because the King of Righteousness did not create the lands for the Lords to use just to rule over and make others suffer, but instead for all! And that they "take it as a testimony of love from Him that our hearts begin to be freed from slavish fear of men, such as you are, and that we find resolutions in us, grounded upon the inward law of love, one towards another" (301).  It's because of his heart and seeing of injustice that he feels called to "call out" the Lords and do what he feels is right for God's creation!

The social order of Winstanley's time is different, and yet similar to our situation today. It seems to be that the power over many falls upon a powerful few--powerful not because of skills or just reasons, but because of resources and, in some instances, violence.  These powerful people, whether that be Lords, or the people that hold more money than half the world... they live in their own world where everyone else is slaves to them.  Winstanley saw that that was not as God created humanity to be--all was to have equal rights to creation, all are to live in community with each other! This is much like Shane Claiborne's view with today's society.  If God did bless the rich with the resources that he did, he did not do it so that way they can have all the wealth and have so many people suffering and dying in the streets of USA.  Instead, there should be an upraising of communities everywhere! Banning together to make something worthwhile, and to, through the earth and what God has given us, create equality, community, and fellowship! I feel that these two radicals (some may even say ORDINARY radicals) have much in common from there since of justice, but starting with the roots of who they are helping, and then working to the top!

       Over the span of almost 40 years, Dr. Meyer was a professor of Education at Concordia University, and was also the previous vice president for Academic Affairs and chair of Concordia University Board of Regents.  It was after her that our classroom building is now called "Meyer Hall." Meyer started working full time at Concordia in 1967 until 1993, and received the student-elected Professor of the Year honors two times. During her time as vice president for Academic Affairs, she helped Concordia grow and change with a "large liberal arts expansion, addition of student support services, formation of secondary teacher education licensure programs, and the development of the Concordia School of Accelerated Learning." Dr. Meyer was also given the award for "Purposeful Leadership." You can read up on more information, and look at the source of information where I got all of this right HERE!

         

As far as the actual lecture, the first thing to point out is that we are love the Lord with our heart, soul, and mind.  With that, integration involves all those things, and therefore faith and learning involves the heart, the soul, and the mind. Also, there has been a historical change of how CSP has integrated faith and learning, due to the fact that this integration is no longer an assumed thing.  For instance, Dr. Meyer pointed out that in 1967, 93% of the student body used to be in Church work, versus 7% "others."  Now in 2009, we had almost the opposite: 13% Church work students and 87% "other."  Yet, it is also important to note that in 1967 there was only 28% of faculty with an earned doctorate, whereas in 2009 there are 77%.  Throughout the years, liberal arts grew, leading to more academic freedom. It started being where learning and faith had creative tensions, with distinction from the two.  How to integrate was to start with faith, and then go to the specific area of study.

Throughout the history of Concordia, the question of how to build the school went through many meeting times and careful studies to see how to change, and yet mesh with the mission statement.  Little by little the school changed, but it was not until 1991, with the entrance of President Holst, that many changes came. So many buildings and policies and distinctions came during President Holst's 19 years (so far) here at Concordia.  Yet, through it all there was the same focus, that "I wish to make progress in knowledge, but more to know the love of Christ," which is the logo on our seal.  Due to our mission statement, we MUST integrate faith and learning, and therefore, we need to fix the problem, not the blame.  It is not enough for this university to strive for excellence, but instead we need to make a difference.  Luther was alright with the secular world, as long as it does not endanger or threaten faith!

Concordia needs to face the challenge of having uniqueness, but still meeting demands. She also pointed out that the heart of a university is its faculty--it determines the character of the school.  And adjunct professor must have experience with Christian worldview, and a commitment in the profession. Also, Church work students need to have liberal arts backgrounds in order to change and adjust to the world.  Because, as Christians, we cannot stand away with who we are, but we need to be growth oriented and ready to embrace change, to have theological convictions and still the content of academic discipline. 

We also need to look towards the future, which gives promise. There is so much technology in the future, with online learning being expanding, yet it is still the professors that make information into knowledge and learning.  She talks of the problems that we are facing in the future, such as budget concerns, needs of the students, international education, communication and technology.  With this, we see that there needs to be a balance of challenge and support in the school, and the professor is key to this process.

              How in the world can we connect this lecture to the Honors program? Well! That's what we're learning to do in Honors, so here I go! I think that there are numerous connections.  The first is that integration truly does involve the whole person: heart, mind and soul.  That is something that Honors works to do, make sure that the mind, heart and soul are all working together.  I mean, as Schuler always says, "Jesus died to take away your sins, not your brains." This is a good thought on the Honors program.  We are called to use our education to further advance His kingdom.  Yet, that doesn't mean that every class is a theology class.  Faith is always at the base, and from there we go to specific subjects.  Another connection is the balance of challenge and support in the Honors program.  We are not given the answers, yet we are taught HOW to ask the questions and HOW to get the answers.  The professor(s) are here for us to support us, but not baby feed us. And then finally, because integration is a life long process that we need, in order to survive and adapt to the world.  Christians need Liberal Art background to be able to connect to the culture to which he or she lives in!

 

I always look forward to Poehler Lectures, and look forward to more in the future!

What is the first thing you think of when you hear--Arab. Seriously, what? Muslim, right? Well, how about an Arab Christian? You think convert from Muslim, right? Well, what do you think about a Palestinian Christian? Then you finally say, OK, maybe Orthodox or something..
What about a Palestinian Christian LUTHERAN Pastor, who was born and raised Lutheran! YEAH. That's just a little bit about the speaker that came in today to speak with us.  His name is Mitri Raheb and he's been working on this college and community center to creating different systems and arts, along with Christians and Muslims alike.  He has done so many projects and he is working on connecting an opportunity for students at CSP to be able to go to the university in Palestine to study and realize what the non-western Christians are like! He had so much insight in both his book and his convocation! Here's a few:

His main point in his book is that we need to remember the roots of Christianity in Palestine--Jesus was BORN there! and did most of his ministry there! Also, that Arab was one of the languages spoken at Pentecost! Crazy! Also, another point is that the Bible is of the minority. Which is a really interesting concept, I think.  He spends a lot of time in his book talking about how Palestinian Christians have been the minority most of their history.  In fact in today's society, there is about 2 % of Christians in Palestine, and then 98% Muslim. 
Another concept is that, before any interfaith dialogues can really happen, culture needs to be addressed! That's why there's something so special about the Palestine experience--there is no cultural barrier. The Arabs in that country share the same history, foods, musics, and the likes.  They are not a racial minority! This helps them have more discussion and start on a common platform (I'll go into this more in my insights!) Another point he made is about how we can't assume that the whole world is becoming multi-cultural, but instead understand that a lot of the Middle East is becoming more and more mono-cultural. All the diversity is emigrating elsewhere, many places like Europe or America.  There were tons more points, but I'll leave it at that!

As far as insights go, I really did learn a lot.  Especially at the very end of his convocation, and at the lunch-in with him afterwords.  First, that in the end, I shouldn't get caught up in what is similar and different with the Islamic faith, because all that leads to sometimes is a "religious massage" but instead work on building foundations of culture and commonalities as humans! Once we can make a platform where we can come together as humans with equal rights, than we can relate together.  we can't just have fake interfaith dialogues.  In fact, our respect with the Islam faith should not be because they are "like" Christianity, but because they are different, and tolerance than is needed! (the whole loving your "enemy" thing). This really spoke to me specifically with my time with the Somalis at SALT!  
The second thing is is that Christianity is sooo diverse, in the West and the East and all that--it's important to remember the global aspect of Christianity! AND, also the importance of knowing what the issues are (by going to the places!) and get a vision and inspire others.  We talked for how we can do that, and it was great talking with him about that.  I learned a ton from him, which I didn't write all down, because I know all you readers out there are busy high school-ers and don't have time to read it all!!
God's blessings on you all!  

Why am I blogging on here? BECAUSE. I have truly enjoyed blogging my summer on here, and my occasional epiphanies, and so I figured, why not keep it up! So, I'm not expecting anyone to read this, but, it's helpful to me.

So.  It's almost half way through the semester, and I can't believe it.  To be honest, it kinda feels that things are just now starting to pick up as far as being able to take away things from classes.  But, what I found to be really cool this semester, is that these things are so connected.  I'm taking Honors (which is looking at how public you should be about your Christianity in the 'public square'", Mission of God, Class and Community, and Ceramics. 


First, let's go with the not so obvious one. Ceramics.
The first and foremost thing I can point out that I've learned form ceramics is the importance of art in a person's life.  Whether that art is music, dance, theater, crafts, sculpture, paint.. ANYTHING... being able to create is such an amazing feeling, and is something that I feel brings people together. SO, Keith has been talking with me about the possibilities of adding a community arts piece to my major.  I don't know what that will look like, or what that means, or anything... (hopefully it doesn't mean more tuition dollars/years here...) but it's something really cool.  Even if I can't take a class on it, I think it'll be something I think about for my year in U4C/my internship.  Anyway. MORE things that I've learned: 1. God is a heck of a better potter than I can ever be, and a heck of a lot more patient. hahaha. 2. clay's natural tendency is USUALLY to go against what the potter is creating... we want to crack and break away, just like clay does.  Yet, even though we in life have glue substitutes and whatnot to "hide" the cracks, they are still there.  YET, GOD he can completely take these OUT. and when it undergoes a firing (God's word, essentially) it can really eternalness our lives... yeah... this analogy doesn't come out as good as I was hoping in typing, but, it really did help me see God through the clay, which is awesome.

Second, let's go with the harder one still, Class and Community.
This class is done online completely, so it's been really hard for me to get enthusiastic about because most of my understanding comes from discussions in life, not so much through webCT. BUT I suppose we ARE becoming a more technological world.. and I AM essentially journal-ling online instead of in a written journal. (This could be because of spelling, time, and laziness...?) anyway. So, we've been learning about stratification, about why it's necessary, and why we have it, and what we have now because of stratification... and and and.. man, a whole lot of thinking and theories.  To be honest, I'm going to get more out of this once we get more into the practical thinking, I think.  It's been interesting to see how some people think SO different then me (in my class).  They believe that someone who is poor has the same opportunity as someone who is rich to an education and a job.  I struggle to think that is true, but.. I also am naiive, so I wouldn't hold it past me to be completely off.  I really do try and see the good in the world, but I also tend to be fairly pessimistic about the rich.  Luckily, God, and classes, and classmates, have helped me to broaden my stereotype to realize there are some pretty nice rich guys out there. 

This ties into what I'm learning in Honors: our history as a nation and as a church!
It's been hard to really "get into" the history of Church (also known as Church history) this semester.  Probably due to the fact I go to a LCMS School, and Luther and the reformation is pretty ingrained in my learning here for quite a while. BUT, Now that we're starting to get into closer history, and history that I have never looked at, I'm learning a lot about--yeah, stratification, and the ugliness of slavery in the Christian body, and how people HAVE used God's name in such ugly ways.  I'm looking forward to us learning more about how some people have been public about their Christian identity in the public square.  I feel like personally, yes, you should be public about your faith, but as far as in the public, I really just don't know.  I don't know when it's appropriate and when not, and when one should bend and when one should not. Hmm, interesting stuff... My internship has taught me that I'm not so much interested in paper work and immigration things, YET it has shown me that I am friggen good at office work, which is not that exciting, BUT what can you ask for?  anyway.

Mission of God has been one of the classes to most interest me.

The first and foremost thing I have learned is that theology that is not practical, is not theology.  I can talk until my head turns blue about certain things in the Bible, like certain word translations, or something like that... BUT, if it's not practical--if I can't glorify God's name with it. It's nothing! But also, to be aware and keen on what's going on in the world.  the world changes--God does not, but it won't be effective AT ALL if we keep saying the same thing in the same way for hundreds and thousands of years.  Don't change the gospel, but change how we say it, if we truly are reaching out to people of different cultures! and I've learned SO much about how much much much we need to have God be the center of everything we do! yes yes!

OK OK. so, those are the specific classes.  As far as life goes. I feel that God has truly shown himself the clearest when I'm weak.  I know I know, it says that in the Bible, but I"m truly realizing it. like.  When I'm feeling awful and down and worthless, and then remember how Great God is, it's so easy for me to just be in absolute awe of it all. Yet, when God does life me out of the muck, I feel like I hit the ground running in the fastest way to glorify myself? that effects my friends and relationships, as well as my relationship with God!  I feel like one thing I don't quite do as much as I want to, is REALLY think about the world.  Yet, there are times I think I over think.  But, it's hard for me to really get into this world's culture in order to understand them and realize... maybe Concordia IS a bubble.  Or, just my experience. You know, I've met these people that are so different than me, but I've almost thought that this diversity is the only diversity out there? Like. When I went to a bar this past weekend, I forgot how many different people have such different life styles than the refugees I work with, or the students I'm friends with on campus.  It's so crazy just how huge God's mission field is, and how little I am. It's surprisingly encouraging...

I'm feeling actually at peace about being in GH this summer... I want to get involved with my community, ask questions, learn things that I didn't know about the city I grew up in my whole life. I want to be a part of my family again.  I want to see God in ways that I've never seen before! I want to encourage my church, I want to be a witness at wherever  I end up working! I just. I'm excited (and the beach is also calling my name...) It sucks, SUCKS, that I'm not going back to Honduras.  I get very sad about it sometimes. But, God is calling me to somewhere else this summer...somewhere I had no idea was there, but was there the whole time.  God is good. and I hope this summer, just like last summer, but in a completely new way... God's name is glorified. He's almighty no matter what, but I pray that I live that out!

This blog is long enough, and I'm sure has scared some people away from reading it all, which is almost what I wanted! SO HA! I fooled you all!!!!

Yet, it didn't really do what I wanted it to do.  I was hoping to make connections, but also really just, THINK. Think about the world, the Church as a whole, humanity as a whole... life, love, liberty... you know, all that great stuff. But. BUT. I'm going to go for a walk now, or something. and maybe the skies will proclaim a little bit of God's greatness onto me!

I'll leave you all with this.
Psalm 46:10;
"Be still, and know that I am God.  I am exalted among the nations. I will be exacted in the earth"