Sarah Koscielniak

For those of you who do not know, I am going to dig in Israel in the month of July this summer! :D I am so very very excited about this trip.  I have sent out letters to several family friends from Lakeshore Lurtheran Fellowship Church back in Spring Lake, MI and have been BLOWN away by the wonderful wonderful support I have received from them. WOW! God is soooo good. Anyways.  I figured it might be nice to include my letter here, to explain a bit more about my trip and everything, if you're interested in reading it! :D Anyway.  I am very much looking forward to July when we will be there digging! (less then 3 months away!) The Lord has provided two very flexible jobs this summer that had no problem with me being gone for a month! That's Admissions at Concordia, where I have worked my first two years of school, and then Gorkha Palace, a Nepali/Indian restaurant in North East Minneapolis! Praise the Lord for answered prayers!

Here's my letter, if you would like to read it:

As I am getting older, I am finding myself involved in many exciting things around the Twin Cities of Minnesota.  This place truly has become my second home, and the Lord's been directing my steps as to where He wants me.  Since my last "fundraising letter" to go to Honduras in 2009, I have been growing and maturing and exploring various things in the Minneapolis and St. Paul community.  I am currently living in an Intentional Christian Community house in South Minneapolis learning urban ministry.  This past year and a half has been the longest that I have remained inside of the country since I started high school.  It was really hard, but I truly felt the Lord's call to stay in the country, gain experiences here, and patiently wait until He calls me overseas again.  This summer, I feel the Lord calling me to travel! (Praise the Lord!!) It is an opportunity of a life time: spending a month in Israel doing archeological work on a site right off of the Sea of Galilee.  The official name of the trip is the Northeast Insula Project at Hippos of the Decapolis (Sussita).  I will be staying at Kibbutz Ein Gev which is close to the site, Hippos, where I'll be digging. For more pictures, videos and information about the trip, you can visit http://hippos.archaeology.csp.edu/.

I will be traveling with a fairly large group; many of them students from Concordia University, St. Paul.  The leader is Dr. Mark Schuler, who has been my mentor and advisor for the last 3 years.  We will be doing daily devotions, as well as studying and looking at the history of the early Church and what was going on during the New Testament times.  I will also be taking a class to study the relationship between Jesus and Muhammad.  This will help me better connect and understand ministry with Muslims; which has been my passion the last several years.  The reason why I feel so called to go is to deepen my understanding and study of the Bible.  I will be working at the site digging from 5am to 12pm.  The rest of the day is spent with some free time, our daily devotions, occasional lectures, lap work, and trips to places such as the Dead Sea or Jerusalem on the weekends.  I have been doing short term ministry most of my life, including several trips to Honduras.  These have been amazing experiences, but I find myself hungry to spend a month solidly searching the Bible and discovering how real and true it really is, in the context of where it was written.  Most of my life has been spent doing, and I truly feel that the Lord is calling me to have a season of learning and growing in His word and world.  Spending time to invest in this type of ministry will help me in my future ministry, wherever that may be.  I know it is dangerous in the Middle East right now, but I thank the Lord for supportive parents who are letting me go, and a strong and mighty God that will be watching over me!  I will be with very experienced travelers and in very safe hands. 

I wanted to send this letter to invite you all to be praying for me as I prepare for this journey and while I'm there!  By His grace and for His glory,

Sarah Koscielniak

These are just some thoughts on my mind right now. Don't read too much into them.

Butterflies.  That's what my stomache feels when I think about the thought of you pursuing/finding interest in me.  A sense of uniqueness.  That me, out of all the other girls, would be chosen for your affection.  To point you to Christ, to serve you, to be a best friend...these things I desire.  I think about your laugh, and your smile.  You're weird noises, and quirky personality.  It makes me laugh and smile. 

Yet. There isn't anything unique about our relationship.  You are that kind and friendly to everyone. Nothing special about me in your eyes, just a great sister in Christ.  So then, I tihnk, maybe there is something, but you just aren't getting the hint? Maybe I'll just start pursuing, and you'll catch on then take the lead. 

It is a tale as old as time that I do this.  Time after time I get sick of being the woman of God waiting for the right man, and I take things into my own hands, and suffer.  I was not created to pursue. But I think it is the only way.  I don't mind. But in the end... it's not the way it's supposed to be.  It's not the way God created me.  I cannot keep pursuing and manipulating.

I call into question my value when I feel like I am the only one pursuing.  That I'm not worth the pursuit, the trouble.  Then lies creep in. Bitterness and jealousy of looking at other couples and wondering why I don't have someone who looks at me with those eyes of respect and love.  This is NOT of the Lord.  It's the Devil kicking me when I'm down.  And with the grace of God I will remember that and NOT let that become a part of me!!!

I suppose some of my friends are right.  That I'm not quite ready yet for a relationship. I'm done with the casual dating.  It really does scar me, and leave some memories in my life that I can never leave.  But, I cannot deny the desire.  The Lord placed my desire on my heart because I was created to be united with someone.  With this in mind, I need to remember not to put too much of value in being pursued by a GUY on my heart. 

because, I AM unique in someone's eyes. I AM pursued... by the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE. woah.  He calls me every morning to hear what I have to say, but also to share with ME what he's up to today.  Wow. What a beautiful relationship! And that I can feel so secure, and so safe, and so loved... that therefore I can go out and do anything and know if it's to glorify HIS name, he's smiling down on me.  THAT'S where I find my value.  THAT'S where I get my worth. Not from guys that I think are awesome.  Not from anyone!

Okay, so moral of the story: I have a desire to be in a relationship, which does NOT mean that I'm not ready to be in a relationship (being ready for a relationship doesn't mean that you have to deny the desires the Lord places on your heart, but it does mean keeping in check the MAIN focus on your value).  I need to constantly shoo the Accuser away that tells me I'm not unique and worthy of a man of God to pursue me, so I need to pursue them... I need to constantly RUN towards Christ! Not just flee from man. 

:) yup.  Now I can go back to work.

I don't really know where to begin.

Do I begin with Meah, a young mom just trying to make it work with her 2 year old son Bryan who just lost her 2 jobs due to lack of transportation, lost her mother, and is about to loose her apartment?

Do I begin with the smiles and waves of neighbors and strangers alike?

Do I begin with the innapropriate comments from some men when going outside?

Do I begin with how the Lord has been calling and drawing me more and more to dependency on the Word and prayer?

Well.

I just don't really know. 

Maybe I should begin with the Israel trip.

Maybe I should begin with the fun experiences with the Shirelle family.

Maybe I should begin with the struggles to balance every responsibility and task.

Maybe I should begin with all my sins and failures that become SO evident in ministry.

Or my selfish desires?

Or how the Lord has worked through me to minister to many?

Or how I haven't worked on my internship projects at all in the past month?

Or how I have to constantly pray that the Lord would protect my heart and mind because I'm so weak to temptation?

Well.

Maybe I just won't even begin. :)

Ask me how things are going, and you'll probably hear at least one, if not more, of the above responses. The Lord really is moving and shaking though, and I'm excited for where I've been, where I am, and where He's taking me. Praise the Lord.

Wow. Has this past couple days been crazy or what?  Crazy in a very, very very good way.  I feel like this should just be a whole month update.

I'm going to start off with the 1st (a Tuesday) even though technically break hadn't started yet.  I was hoping to go to an Open House for a job at the airport.  I've been waiting for this job for a very very long time.  The open house got postponed (indefinately) and so I was a little out of luck.  Yet, when I found out it was cancelled, I had this intense peace and okayness about it--totally from God.  anyway--fast forward to Thursday...I had gone to NE Minneapolis to pay my rent.  I was a bit confused with how much I owed, so instead of just sending it in the mail, I drove over there.  When I got there, Judy had a list of who owed what.  I was paid all the way up until June! WHAT?!?! Praise the Lord. That's what.  I had tlaked with my dad, and we had only paid for the first semester. I have NO idea where the second semester money came from. But it's there. So I was able to tear up my check for 1300 dollars and walk out without paying a dime--infact I was one month over. wow.  God is so so so good.  1300 dollars is about the same amount for a plane ticket to Israel.  Wow. God is good.

ANYWAY, so amen to that! Then Friday, after class I worked on some stuff, then went out to eat with Vue and May and Josie and Chelsea! It was a blast.  We went to Black Sea Restuarant.  SO GOOD! That family just makes me so happy--and it was great having Josie there too! Then after I went home and before I knew it, it was time for the jr. high lock in at St. Paul's! It was fun--I was able to get to know the kids better.  I"m really bad with disciplining kids... anyway. haha I had a group of girls I was "in charge of" for a photo scavenger hunt thing, then we spent a couple hours at Grand Slam.  It was fun being a leader and also a kid there! it was a really great time.  When we got back we played sardines for a long time, which was fun.  I was in my glow-in-the-dark onsie, and so that was funny. haha. I spent some time up in the balcony.  I really like it up there.  Looking at the skyway, sitting in a pew, just thinking, reading, and praying... I really like it up there... haha.  I tried to go to bed early, but that didn't realy happen.

Saturday I slept in for just a little bit, and then I went on a bike ride.  The bike ride was amazing.  It was so nice out, and it was just nice to get out there again. I really do love bike rides.  I did a little bit on the green way, then did a round-a-bout to MIA and looked at some artwork and people watched.  Kara would be proud... haha.  When I got back, Sarah A and I went off to MOA to see our neighbors' band play at the big rotunda! I accidently went the wrong way, but through that we met Regonald William.  He was an interesting character, who we ended up driving a mile or so to his place after we saw him fall and remain down... So then we were a bit late for the show, so we parked a bit far off and literally just RAN to the mall. we looked really silly! But it was really fun.  We got to see a lot of the show, and it was just awesome to see them witnessing about why they do what they do (JESUS!!!), AT MOA! cool beans.  Then me, Sarah and Josiah went to Ikea to look around and get free cookies! That was a blast as well! THEN I went off and joined WMPL's AFTN college group game night.  I played some Settler's, as well as some Dutch Blitz, and some awesome worship time.  Overall, a really really great night!

SUNDAY (almost done guys!) was great too.  I went to church at St. Paul's, and then skyped with my family, and then cleaned a little bit and fried some wontons and other various items... then went over and hung out with David and Josie at Josie's place. that was a lot of fun! Just chatting. Then was Church--I REALLY liked that service... then was Baker's Square for pie with Josie and Jordan.  That was also very very good, just to talk and process and have fun! THEN we had a dance party at the house, then ANNA come home and we enjoyed time together just hanging out.  It was really nice!

The next morning I got pancakes from Josie :) and then went back to my house.  It was really peaceful, kinda listening to a sermon and going in and out of sleep.  Then Sarah A and I went to the FOSHAY tower! it was so much fun.  I really liked it! We got to see a ton of things.  I don't really know how to put it in exciting words, but it was exciting. BELIEVE ME. Then we got our free monthly truffle, and headed back home.  THEN I was just going to chill out at home for the night, but after spending just a couple hours of reading and relaxing, I called up Mrs. Stacy Brennecke! :D I loved spending time with her SO much.  We went grocery shopping, then had some nice tea and toast! It was a beautiful time of fellowship that I really, really really enjoyed.  Then I came home and patched up some clothes! I did a pretty bad job of it, but to be hoenst I didn't try very hard, at least not with my 4H standards! haha.  Then Sarah A came back, and we watched "Little Men" and hung out for a while.  THEN

Sarah A dropped a match down her pants. It was really silly. but sad because she's hurting... but also mainly, kinda funny. oh dear.... hahha I love this house. now she's popping the blisters... :)

Well, time for bed.  It was only a couple days, but the Lord has been SO GOOD. Tomorrow = NOTHING PLANED. I think I may go to the Salvage Yard Church at night, but pretty much just get some homework done. look for somewhere to work, and try and send out those scholarship letters!!! yeah! yeah!

Wow. Has this past couple days been crazy or what?  Crazy in a very, very very good way.  I feel like this should just be a whole month update.

I'm going to start off with the 1st (a Tuesday) even though technically break hadn't started yet.  I was hoping to go to an Open House for a job at the airport.  I've been waiting for this job for a very very long time.  The open house got postponed (indefinately) and so I was a little out of luck.  Yet, when I found out it was cancelled, I had this intense peace and okayness about it--totally from God.  anyway--fast forward to Thursday...I had gone to NE Minneapolis to pay my rent.  I was a bit confused with how much I owed, so instead of just sending it in the mail, I drove over there.  When I got there, Judy had a list of who owed what.  I was paid all the way up until June! WHAT?!?! Praise the Lord. That's what.  I had tlaked with my dad, and we had only paid for the first semester. I have NO idea where the second semester money came from. But it's there. So I was able to tear up my check for 1300 dollars and walk out without paying a dime--infact I was one month over. wow.  God is so so so good.  1300 dollars is about the same amount for a plane ticket to Israel.  Wow. God is good.

ANYWAY, so amen to that! Then Friday, after class I worked on some stuff, then went out to eat with Vue and May and Josie and Chelsea! It was a blast.  We went to Black Sea Restuarant.  SO GOOD! That family just makes me so happy--and it was great having Josie there too! Then after I went home and before I knew it, it was time for the jr. high lock in at St. Paul's! It was fun--I was able to get to know the kids better.  I"m really bad with disciplining kids... anyway. haha I had a group of girls I was "in charge of" for a photo scavenger hunt thing, then we spent a couple hours at Grand Slam.  It was fun being a leader and also a kid there! it was a really great time.  When we got back we played sardines for a long time, which was fun.  I was in my glow-in-the-dark onsie, and so that was funny. haha. I spent some time up in the balcony.  I really like it up there.  Looking at the skyway, sitting in a pew, just thinking, reading, and praying... I really like it up there... haha.  I tried to go to bed early, but that didn't realy happen.

Saturday I slept in for just a little bit, and then I went on a bike ride.  The bike ride was amazing.  It was so nice out, and it was just nice to get out there again. I really do love bike rides.  I did a little bit on the green way, then did a round-a-bout to MIA and looked at some artwork and people watched.  Kara would be proud... haha.  When I got back, Sarah A and I went off to MOA to see our neighbors' band play at the big rotunda! I accidently went the wrong way, but through that we met Regonald William.  He was an interesting character, who we ended up driving a mile or so to his place after we saw him fall and remain down... So then we were a bit late for the show, so we parked a bit far off and literally just RAN to the mall. we looked really silly! But it was really fun.  We got to see a lot of the show, and it was just awesome to see them witnessing about why they do what they do (JESUS!!!), AT MOA! cool beans.  Then me, Sarah and Josiah went to Ikea to look around and get free cookies! That was a blast as well! THEN I went off and joined WMPL's AFTN college group game night.  I played some Settler's, as well as some Dutch Blitz, and some awesome worship time.  Overall, a really really great night!

SUNDAY (almost done guys!) was great too.  I went to church at St. Paul's, and then skyped with my family, and then cleaned a little bit and fried some wontons and other various items... then went over and hung out with David and Josie at Josie's place. that was a lot of fun! Just chatting. Then was Church--I REALLY liked that service... then was Baker's Square for pie with Josie and Jordan.  That was also very very good, just to talk and process and have fun! THEN we had a dance party at the house, then ANNA come home and we enjoyed time together just hanging out.  It was really nice!

The next morning I got pancakes from Josie :) and then went back to my house.  It was really peaceful, kinda listening to a sermon and going in and out of sleep.  Then Sarah A and I went to the FOSHAY tower! it was so much fun.  I really liked it! We got to see a ton of things.  I don't really know how to put it in exciting words, but it was exciting. BELIEVE ME. Then we got our free monthly truffle, and headed back home.  THEN I was just going to chill out at home for the night, but after spending just a couple hours of reading and relaxing, I called up Mrs. Stacy Brennecke! :D I loved spending time with her SO much.  We went grocery shopping, then had some nice tea and toast! It was a beautiful time of fellowship that I really, really really enjoyed.  Then I came home and patched up some clothes! I did a pretty bad job of it, but to be hoenst I didn't try very hard, at least not with my 4H standards! haha.  Then Sarah A came back, and we watched "Little Men" and hung out for a while.  THEN

Sarah A dropped a match down her pants. It was really silly. but sad because she's hurting... but also mainly, kinda funny. oh dear.... hahha I love this house. now she's popping the blisters... :)

Well, time for bed.  It was only a couple days, but the Lord has been SO GOOD. Tomorrow = NOTHING PLANED. I think I may go to the Salvage Yard Church at night, but pretty much just get some homework done. look for somewhere to work, and try and send out those scholarship letters!!! yeah! yeah!

So, the Lord's been wokring on my heart today. Here are some of the things I'm learning!

 I am so ashamed with how I don't trust the Lord... when the going gets tough, I become so fearful with how things are going to tie together. Then I finally give it up, and give it to God, and then he blesses me in such amazing ways--such as spontaneously giving me $90 in the past day. And scholarships to be able to do things I want to do. And (God WILLING) a job that will help me be able to travel...What in the world... We have such a great God, who if he cares about our temporary well being, how much MORE does he care about our ETERNAL well being !?

Also, I've been reading Micah lately, and this really struck me:
TRUTH: God will destroy all of our idols... so that we will never again worship the work of our own hands. (Micah 5:13). CONFESSION: I tend to worship my to-do lists, and my "success" and the "good" things I do. CHALLENGE: Find out what it is that you worship with your own hands, and give it to God to destroy, so that we may be free to live the ABUNDANT life that He desires for us!

I'm realizing more and more how much I am a slave to trying to be ahead of homework and things, but that's not why or what I was created for. so. what am I doing!? hahahah wasting my life! I gotta keep it in balance.

Also, I've been reading Proverbs, and today was Proverbs 12.  Some keep things that I read were "theives are jealous of each other's loot, but the godly are well rooted and bear their own fruit" (v. 12).  Wow. How many times am I jealous of other people, because I'm trying to steal and scrape everything that I can? YET, if I am godly and holy (set apart) I can be WELL ROOTED in what the Lord's inheritance for me is, and what that makes me.  and I'll bear the fruit of the SPIRIT. not of worldly gain!

Also, these two verses are really convicting: "fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.  A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted" (v. 15-16).  Wow. First off, I need to start listening to others more, but being careful of the people who just talk and talk and think their way is the best.  If they are taking that approach, more than likely it isn't wise to listen to their counsel.  ALSO, I find that I am so prone to be defensive and insecure and frantic if someone insults me.  I try my hardest to fix everything, and not in a calm way... this is good to remember. 

AND finally: vs. 25, "Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up".... I think this speaks for itself... haha

just some things I've been learning today.  Please comment and let me know what the Lord's been teaching YOU?!!?

Julia Dinsmore wrote an amazing book called, My Name is Child of God, not "Those People".  It was full of stories, along with poems and songs.  Poetry always inspires me.  It reminds me of the deeper things in life.  The purpose of each creation being to glorify God.  It helps me see what God sees, and hear what God hears... that's been my prayer the past couple months.

Though this is not always easy.  The computer screen numbs the mind.  The business of life crowds the brain.  No time to think, no time to create, only time to get by.  I have far too long lived by this. But in this moment, while I have time, I want to look out from my window, and see the bright blue sky contrast with the bright white snow.  I want to look at the people walking past the porch of my house, and see them not as threats, but instead as Children of God.  I want to look at this room around me, with all the old wood and structure, and ponder all the people that have lived in this house before me.

Life becomes a lot more interesting when you put down the tasks, and you breath in His creation. 

Another thing I have been learning to look at, are hands.  In Julia's book, she writes, "hands bear the story lips won't tell."  It's so true that hands tell the life stories of people.  I've been looking at my hands a lot lately, and the hands of others. 

My hands tell a story of priveldge. No deep scars or cuts from a hard life.  Just white with priveldge. Yet, there are certain marks that tell of stories I would rather not share with my lips.  For instance, my anxiety and worry.  I scrap and I bite and I tear my fingers apart when I worry.  Though my hands have priveldge, they have doubt and worry.  One finger even has a big bump from writing too hard.  Overall me trying to hard to please and to excel... ever doubting that I can make it with who I am.  I have just a tad bit of henna left on my finger nails... the henna that does not come off until I just let it grow off... The henna that makes me look like I've been eating cheetos all day.  This shows of my love for other cultures, even to the point of wanting to deny my own culture and pick up another.  The lack of jewlery around my hand tells of two stories.  One is of my lack of desire for the fancy things of life.  The other is my clumsiness that I tend to loose any and all rings that are on my finger.  It also tells a story of singleness right now in my life.  The constant cracking of my fingers tells a story of a childhood of shuffling decks of cards... sometimes even 2-3 decks at a time.

As you can see, just looking at my hands, I can start to write my story.  Yet, it does not stop there.  Because my hands cannot tell the full story, that my identity lies deeper, deeper in my bones.  My identity lives in Christ.  And the fact that the hands that I have were crafted by HIS hands.  That I am the Lord's workmanship, and I am an image of God, and so with these white, worrisome hands, I am called to serve HIM by serving others.  Through shaking hands, shoveling snow, pouring coffee, hugging, holding, typing, writing, anything that I do should be done to better this world and to better lives.

That's all the time I have to reflect right now.  Which is pretty sad.  But, praise the Lord for the open mornings he has given me to spend time in prayer, in Word, and in contemplation...

Amen.

Community.

It's a lot of work. It's not always fun. But man... when mornings like this happen--it's completely worth it.

Just meeting with fellow sisters in the Word.  After waking up, drinking some coffee together, and digging into prayer and the Word... it's just awesome.  Praying and confessing with eachother is just a beautiful thing.  It was awesome. I feel like the Lord has completely been growing community in this house the last two weeks or so.  I know we just started in classes, and so life might start getting crazy... but it's just wonderful how the Lord's been tearing down barriors that were up.  We just all have to live intentionally and die to self every day.  It's hard. really hard. But so dang worth it....

I'm excited for what the Lord is doing in my life right now.  It really is beautiful.  I just pray I'm being a good steward of the life he's given me.  Only by HIS grace.

Shalom.

Take a moment to breathe in some fresh air.

Take a moment to thank the Lord for the body he's given you, and the complexity of the human body.

Take a moment to think about your past... the bad times, but mainly all the good times.  The times that have just, left you breathless.

Take a moment to quiet your mind.  Far too many times we don't take time to give our brain a rest.

Take a moment to read some of the Good Word.  This will help you find strength where there is none, and hope when all seems hopeless.

Take a moment to give someone a big hug and show God's love to someone.

Take a moment to be.

That's all.

So I kinda did a horrible job with updating more regularly.  Yet, I would say it's a good thing.  I've been very busy at the conference, or fellowshipping with some amazing new people I have met on this trip.  The first day and a half, I was physically tired, and spiritually distant.  It wasn't because a shock kinda thing or anything, but just--distant.  I would pray that the Lord would come meet me, but even when I was praying that, it was very empty. I didn't really know what was going on.  I was kinda bummed out. Yet, through a couple moments he did open little glimpses of Him to me. 

One was about Isaiah 52--"Wake up, wake up, o Zion! Clothe yourself with strength.  Put on your beautiful clothes, O holy city of Jerusalem, for unclean and godless people will enter your gates no longer.  Rise from the dust, O Jerusalem.  Sit in a place of honor.  Remove the chains of slavery from your neck, O captive daughter of Zion!"

Overall I have listened to the lies of the devil that have constantly kept me in chains of my past failures.  My past lusts, mistakes, wrongdoings... I was lying flat on my back letting oppression step all over me.  I would every once in a while get an image of the past, or a little whisper of guilt and condemnation, and I would believe it.  BUT, That's not the way I was meant to live! I am meant to live free and for him! AMEN! When we mess up, we are to turn our backs from those things and point our eyes to HIM.  Because His pleasure is so so so much more powerful than any other pleasure! The rest will fall into place. God is a God of pleasure.  But yes, so I was able to stand up, and just say. Hey. I'm waking up. I'm done with this guilt thing. NO MORE!

Then I was in the prayer room for a bit, and MAN, I love the prayer room.  I was able to read some scripture about spiritual gifts and manifestations, and it gave me peace about not being able to speak in tongues.  It helped me see that I just need to be seeking the Lord in love, and he'll give me the gifts he wants.... I'm thinking of going to this info meeting tonight about receiving the gifts of tongues. We'll see what happens.  But yeah, I was just reading and then all of a sudden there was a song about freedom! And I just got up and danced like I've never danced before.  I am still sore from it 2 days later... ahah. But it was just nice to express my freedom in the Lord!

The rest of the night was again that distance.  No bueno.  But overall fellowship with my sister and her friends was really great--there is a great group of people here.

I slept in in the morning, to kinda just rejuvenate and get ready for the last 2 days.  It was such a great idea.  I was able to listen to what the Lord was doing in Alysha and Marisa's life.  Then we went and walked around KC for a bit.  It was 60, sunny, and breezy.  It was amazing.  AMAZING.  Haha, I think that really woke up my soul, to be honest.  That, along with some awesome talking and prayer time with Marisa.  There's something about prayer, when you're amidst hundreds of fellow believers who are just in the park singing, dancing, playing Frisbee, playing guitar... just, loving on God.  It was a great glimpse of what Heaven may look like some day. 

Then we got in there, and man. I felt it.  It was something that you can't fake, you can't make up. You can feel it. So that was awesome, and it was a really good session, but then I was just like... PRAYER ROOM! So I went, and man.  It was beautiful.  I felt like I was praying for the first time in a very very long time.   I was just taking time to intercede, and man, it was powerful.  Hmmm. God is good.

Then we went to Michelle's family's house.  That was really great, to have a nice big meal and just talk and relax and process through a little bit.  EXCELLENT.  Then we went back and again worship was just so alive and great, and then the message was. Man. Powerful.

He talked about how God became man, and therefore there is a man sitting on the right hand of the throne to intercede for us... but like, he chose. HE CHOSE to redeem mankind through entering into human form.  Wow.  And so with that, he loves our body form.  He went through the awkward stages in life, and probably didn't have a 100% BOD and wasn't like some super hero figure.  Anyway--basically, the devil hates our body.  He hates that God took human form.  So, he whispers lies.  He gets us to either perverse it through sexual immortality (which is a sin again ourselves), or eating disorders, or self-hate, or depression, or cutting, or suicide thoughts... he delights when we hate ourselves.  Because we are hating something that the Lord made holy. 

NO MORE. NO MORE!!!  We need to just remember that the Lord loves us and our body so much.  Yes, we should take care of it--but not brutally and not because we think that if we're more in shape we'll be happier and fulfilled. 

Another truth that the Lord's been working on is through the song is he "Knew What He Was Getting Into" when He called me... when all I see is my failure, he can see deeper than that.  AMEN.  He's alongside me during this process of sanctification, and it's beautiful that he still wants me even after all my failures and short comings.  AMEN! And at the end of the story, I'll come out of the wilderness... AMEN.  We only see a little bit of our life story with God, and he sees the full thing. 

He also confirmed in my heart my deep desire to see the Kingdom of God reflected in our churches--meaning the multi-ethnic and cross-cultural churches.  The Body of Christ is multi-cultural, so why aren't our churches?  Anyway, it just got me excited to see SO many different cultures worshiping together, experiencing the same Spirit.  And it just again, laid a burden on my heart for the many people I love so much that have not experienced yet the fullness of what the Lord has in store for them!! I just get so excited when I think about worshipping Yahweh next to some of my friends... I pray that will come to pass!

Marisa prayed something over me--that the Lord has overall placed some of his glory in different cultures--some that recognize it and glorify him with that, others that do not know him yet.  She said that The Lord was going to show me some of the beautiful ways that he has manifested in different cultures, specifically Somali, Bhutanese-Nepali, and Hmong... that made me excited.  I hope that comes to past, and that he'll continue to work that in me. 

Man. I feel like there is so much more. There really is.  I could share a lot more about what the Lord was teaching me and showing me.  I think one thing for sure is--I am completely broke without him.  During worship tonight, I was just so broken with how much I desired to feel the Lord's presence imparted in me.  I wanted to FELL the Holy Spirit moving.  I was just shaking and crying just desperate for his touch.  I didn't receive everything I was praying for (prayer language, physical feelings, ect...) BUT, he did grant me the ability to be used by him in some healings, along with the sense of desperation for him that is so important in a relationship with God! We CANNOT think that we can do it with or without him! We need to be broken of that! I certainly was today. 

I'm continuing to pray for the prayer language, and continuing to pray that I can fellowship with the holy spirit and enjoy time with him and serving others for His glory... It was amazing to experience how God was working in the lives of so many this break, along with just overall being able to fellowship with some amazing people, worship God for a couple days with NO distractions or responsibilities... yeah. It was a really good break.  And, I'm convinced IHOP isn't the cult I was worried it was... J Praise the Lord.

 I know I said quick. BUT. You can't really rush this. more processing will probably go on in the later dayz.