Here's my letter, if you would like to read it:
As I am getting older, I am finding myself involved in many exciting things around the Twin Cities of Minnesota. This place truly has become my second home, and the Lord's been directing my steps as to where He wants me. Since my last "fundraising letter" to go to Honduras in 2009, I have been growing and maturing and exploring various things in the Minneapolis and St. Paul community. I am currently living in an Intentional Christian Community house in South Minneapolis learning urban ministry. This past year and a half has been the longest that I have remained inside of the country since I started high school. It was really hard, but I truly felt the Lord's call to stay in the country, gain experiences here, and patiently wait until He calls me overseas again. This summer, I feel the Lord calling me to travel! (Praise the Lord!!) It is an opportunity of a life time: spending a month in Israel doing archeological work on a site right off of the Sea of Galilee. The official name of the trip is the Northeast Insula Project at Hippos of the Decapolis (Sussita). I will be staying at Kibbutz Ein Gev which is close to the site, Hippos, where I'll be digging. For more pictures, videos and information about the trip, you can visit http://hippos.archaeology.csp.edu/.
I will be traveling with a fairly large group; many of them students from Concordia University, St. Paul. The leader is Dr. Mark Schuler, who has been my mentor and advisor for the last 3 years. We will be doing daily devotions, as well as studying and looking at the history of the early Church and what was going on during the New Testament times. I will also be taking a class to study the relationship between Jesus and Muhammad. This will help me better connect and understand ministry with Muslims; which has been my passion the last several years. The reason why I feel so called to go is to deepen my understanding and study of the Bible. I will be working at the site digging from 5am to 12pm. The rest of the day is spent with some free time, our daily devotions, occasional lectures, lap work, and trips to places such as the Dead Sea or Jerusalem on the weekends. I have been doing short term ministry most of my life, including several trips to Honduras. These have been amazing experiences, but I find myself hungry to spend a month solidly searching the Bible and discovering how real and true it really is, in the context of where it was written. Most of my life has been spent doing, and I truly feel that the Lord is calling me to have a season of learning and growing in His word and world. Spending time to invest in this type of ministry will help me in my future ministry, wherever that may be. I know it is dangerous in the Middle East right now, but I thank the Lord for supportive parents who are letting me go, and a strong and mighty God that will be watching over me! I will be with very experienced travelers and in very safe hands.
I wanted to send this letter to invite you all to be praying for me as I prepare for this journey and while I'm there! By His grace and for His glory,
Sarah Koscielniak
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Butterflies. That's what my stomache feels when I think about the thought of you pursuing/finding interest in me. A sense of uniqueness. That me, out of all the other girls, would be chosen for your affection. To point you to Christ, to serve you, to be a best friend...these things I desire. I think about your laugh, and your smile. You're weird noises, and quirky personality. It makes me laugh and smile.
Yet. There isn't anything unique about our relationship. You are that kind and friendly to everyone. Nothing special about me in your eyes, just a great sister in Christ. So then, I tihnk, maybe there is something, but you just aren't getting the hint? Maybe I'll just start pursuing, and you'll catch on then take the lead.
It is a tale as old as time that I do this. Time after time I get sick of being the woman of God waiting for the right man, and I take things into my own hands, and suffer. I was not created to pursue. But I think it is the only way. I don't mind. But in the end... it's not the way it's supposed to be. It's not the way God created me. I cannot keep pursuing and manipulating.
I call into question my value when I feel like I am the only one pursuing. That I'm not worth the pursuit, the trouble. Then lies creep in. Bitterness and jealousy of looking at other couples and wondering why I don't have someone who looks at me with those eyes of respect and love. This is NOT of the Lord. It's the Devil kicking me when I'm down. And with the grace of God I will remember that and NOT let that become a part of me!!!
I suppose some of my friends are right. That I'm not quite ready yet for a relationship. I'm done with the casual dating. It really does scar me, and leave some memories in my life that I can never leave. But, I cannot deny the desire. The Lord placed my desire on my heart because I was created to be united with someone. With this in mind, I need to remember not to put too much of value in being pursued by a GUY on my heart.
because, I AM unique in someone's eyes. I AM pursued... by the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE. woah. He calls me every morning to hear what I have to say, but also to share with ME what he's up to today. Wow. What a beautiful relationship! And that I can feel so secure, and so safe, and so loved... that therefore I can go out and do anything and know if it's to glorify HIS name, he's smiling down on me. THAT'S where I find my value. THAT'S where I get my worth. Not from guys that I think are awesome. Not from anyone!
Okay, so moral of the story: I have a desire to be in a relationship, which does NOT mean that I'm not ready to be in a relationship (being ready for a relationship doesn't mean that you have to deny the desires the Lord places on your heart, but it does mean keeping in check the MAIN focus on your value). I need to constantly shoo the Accuser away that tells me I'm not unique and worthy of a man of God to pursue me, so I need to pursue them... I need to constantly RUN towards Christ! Not just flee from man.
:) yup. Now I can go back to work.
]]>Do I begin with Meah, a young mom just trying to make it work with her 2 year old son Bryan who just lost her 2 jobs due to lack of transportation, lost her mother, and is about to loose her apartment?
Do I begin with the smiles and waves of neighbors and strangers alike?
Do I begin with the innapropriate comments from some men when going outside?
Do I begin with how the Lord has been calling and drawing me more and more to dependency on the Word and prayer?
Well.
I just don't really know.
Maybe I should begin with the Israel trip.
Maybe I should begin with the fun experiences with the Shirelle family.
Maybe I should begin with the struggles to balance every responsibility and task.
Maybe I should begin with all my sins and failures that become SO evident in ministry.
Or my selfish desires?
Or how the Lord has worked through me to minister to many?
Or how I haven't worked on my internship projects at all in the past month?
Or how I have to constantly pray that the Lord would protect my heart and mind because I'm so weak to temptation?
Well.
Maybe I just won't even begin. :)
Ask me how things are going, and you'll probably hear at least one, if not more, of the above responses. The Lord really is moving and shaking though, and I'm excited for where I've been, where I am, and where He's taking me. Praise the Lord.
]]>I'm going to start off with the 1st (a Tuesday) even though technically break hadn't started yet. I was hoping to go to an Open House for a job at the airport. I've been waiting for this job for a very very long time. The open house got postponed (indefinately) and so I was a little out of luck. Yet, when I found out it was cancelled, I had this intense peace and okayness about it--totally from God. anyway--fast forward to Thursday...I had gone to NE Minneapolis to pay my rent. I was a bit confused with how much I owed, so instead of just sending it in the mail, I drove over there. When I got there, Judy had a list of who owed what. I was paid all the way up until June! WHAT?!?! Praise the Lord. That's what. I had tlaked with my dad, and we had only paid for the first semester. I have NO idea where the second semester money came from. But it's there. So I was able to tear up my check for 1300 dollars and walk out without paying a dime--infact I was one month over. wow. God is so so so good. 1300 dollars is about the same amount for a plane ticket to Israel. Wow. God is good.
ANYWAY, so amen to that! Then Friday, after class I worked on some stuff, then went out to eat with Vue and May and Josie and Chelsea! It was a blast. We went to Black Sea Restuarant. SO GOOD! That family just makes me so happy--and it was great having Josie there too! Then after I went home and before I knew it, it was time for the jr. high lock in at St. Paul's! It was fun--I was able to get to know the kids better. I"m really bad with disciplining kids... anyway. haha I had a group of girls I was "in charge of" for a photo scavenger hunt thing, then we spent a couple hours at Grand Slam. It was fun being a leader and also a kid there! it was a really great time. When we got back we played sardines for a long time, which was fun. I was in my glow-in-the-dark onsie, and so that was funny. haha. I spent some time up in the balcony. I really like it up there. Looking at the skyway, sitting in a pew, just thinking, reading, and praying... I really like it up there... haha. I tried to go to bed early, but that didn't realy happen.
Saturday I slept in for just a little bit, and then I went on a bike ride. The bike ride was amazing. It was so nice out, and it was just nice to get out there again. I really do love bike rides. I did a little bit on the green way, then did a round-a-bout to MIA and looked at some artwork and people watched. Kara would be proud... haha. When I got back, Sarah A and I went off to MOA to see our neighbors' band play at the big rotunda! I accidently went the wrong way, but through that we met Regonald William. He was an interesting character, who we ended up driving a mile or so to his place after we saw him fall and remain down... So then we were a bit late for the show, so we parked a bit far off and literally just RAN to the mall. we looked really silly! But it was really fun. We got to see a lot of the show, and it was just awesome to see them witnessing about why they do what they do (JESUS!!!), AT MOA! cool beans. Then me, Sarah and Josiah went to Ikea to look around and get free cookies! That was a blast as well! THEN I went off and joined WMPL's AFTN college group game night. I played some Settler's, as well as some Dutch Blitz, and some awesome worship time. Overall, a really really great night!
SUNDAY (almost done guys!) was great too. I went to church at St. Paul's, and then skyped with my family, and then cleaned a little bit and fried some wontons and other various items... then went over and hung out with David and Josie at Josie's place. that was a lot of fun! Just chatting. Then was Church--I REALLY liked that service... then was Baker's Square for pie with Josie and Jordan. That was also very very good, just to talk and process and have fun! THEN we had a dance party at the house, then ANNA come home and we enjoyed time together just hanging out. It was really nice!
The next morning I got pancakes from Josie :) and then went back to my house. It was really peaceful, kinda listening to a sermon and going in and out of sleep. Then Sarah A and I went to the FOSHAY tower! it was so much fun. I really liked it! We got to see a ton of things. I don't really know how to put it in exciting words, but it was exciting. BELIEVE ME. Then we got our free monthly truffle, and headed back home. THEN I was just going to chill out at home for the night, but after spending just a couple hours of reading and relaxing, I called up Mrs. Stacy Brennecke! :D I loved spending time with her SO much. We went grocery shopping, then had some nice tea and toast! It was a beautiful time of fellowship that I really, really really enjoyed. Then I came home and patched up some clothes! I did a pretty bad job of it, but to be hoenst I didn't try very hard, at least not with my 4H standards! haha. Then Sarah A came back, and we watched "Little Men" and hung out for a while. THEN
Sarah A dropped a match down her pants. It was really silly. but sad because she's hurting... but also mainly, kinda funny. oh dear.... hahha I love this house. now she's popping the blisters... :)
Well, time for bed. It was only a couple days, but the Lord has been SO GOOD. Tomorrow = NOTHING PLANED. I think I may go to the Salvage Yard Church at night, but pretty much just get some homework done. look for somewhere to work, and try and send out those scholarship letters!!! yeah! yeah!
]]>
I'm going to start off with the 1st (a Tuesday) even though technically break hadn't started yet. I was hoping to go to an Open House for a job at the airport. I've been waiting for this job for a very very long time. The open house got postponed (indefinately) and so I was a little out of luck. Yet, when I found out it was cancelled, I had this intense peace and okayness about it--totally from God. anyway--fast forward to Thursday...I had gone to NE Minneapolis to pay my rent. I was a bit confused with how much I owed, so instead of just sending it in the mail, I drove over there. When I got there, Judy had a list of who owed what. I was paid all the way up until June! WHAT?!?! Praise the Lord. That's what. I had tlaked with my dad, and we had only paid for the first semester. I have NO idea where the second semester money came from. But it's there. So I was able to tear up my check for 1300 dollars and walk out without paying a dime--infact I was one month over. wow. God is so so so good. 1300 dollars is about the same amount for a plane ticket to Israel. Wow. God is good.
ANYWAY, so amen to that! Then Friday, after class I worked on some stuff, then went out to eat with Vue and May and Josie and Chelsea! It was a blast. We went to Black Sea Restuarant. SO GOOD! That family just makes me so happy--and it was great having Josie there too! Then after I went home and before I knew it, it was time for the jr. high lock in at St. Paul's! It was fun--I was able to get to know the kids better. I"m really bad with disciplining kids... anyway. haha I had a group of girls I was "in charge of" for a photo scavenger hunt thing, then we spent a couple hours at Grand Slam. It was fun being a leader and also a kid there! it was a really great time. When we got back we played sardines for a long time, which was fun. I was in my glow-in-the-dark onsie, and so that was funny. haha. I spent some time up in the balcony. I really like it up there. Looking at the skyway, sitting in a pew, just thinking, reading, and praying... I really like it up there... haha. I tried to go to bed early, but that didn't realy happen.
Saturday I slept in for just a little bit, and then I went on a bike ride. The bike ride was amazing. It was so nice out, and it was just nice to get out there again. I really do love bike rides. I did a little bit on the green way, then did a round-a-bout to MIA and looked at some artwork and people watched. Kara would be proud... haha. When I got back, Sarah A and I went off to MOA to see our neighbors' band play at the big rotunda! I accidently went the wrong way, but through that we met Regonald William. He was an interesting character, who we ended up driving a mile or so to his place after we saw him fall and remain down... So then we were a bit late for the show, so we parked a bit far off and literally just RAN to the mall. we looked really silly! But it was really fun. We got to see a lot of the show, and it was just awesome to see them witnessing about why they do what they do (JESUS!!!), AT MOA! cool beans. Then me, Sarah and Josiah went to Ikea to look around and get free cookies! That was a blast as well! THEN I went off and joined WMPL's AFTN college group game night. I played some Settler's, as well as some Dutch Blitz, and some awesome worship time. Overall, a really really great night!
SUNDAY (almost done guys!) was great too. I went to church at St. Paul's, and then skyped with my family, and then cleaned a little bit and fried some wontons and other various items... then went over and hung out with David and Josie at Josie's place. that was a lot of fun! Just chatting. Then was Church--I REALLY liked that service... then was Baker's Square for pie with Josie and Jordan. That was also very very good, just to talk and process and have fun! THEN we had a dance party at the house, then ANNA come home and we enjoyed time together just hanging out. It was really nice!
The next morning I got pancakes from Josie :) and then went back to my house. It was really peaceful, kinda listening to a sermon and going in and out of sleep. Then Sarah A and I went to the FOSHAY tower! it was so much fun. I really liked it! We got to see a ton of things. I don't really know how to put it in exciting words, but it was exciting. BELIEVE ME. Then we got our free monthly truffle, and headed back home. THEN I was just going to chill out at home for the night, but after spending just a couple hours of reading and relaxing, I called up Mrs. Stacy Brennecke! :D I loved spending time with her SO much. We went grocery shopping, then had some nice tea and toast! It was a beautiful time of fellowship that I really, really really enjoyed. Then I came home and patched up some clothes! I did a pretty bad job of it, but to be hoenst I didn't try very hard, at least not with my 4H standards! haha. Then Sarah A came back, and we watched "Little Men" and hung out for a while. THEN
Sarah A dropped a match down her pants. It was really silly. but sad because she's hurting... but also mainly, kinda funny. oh dear.... hahha I love this house. now she's popping the blisters... :)
Well, time for bed. It was only a couple days, but the Lord has been SO GOOD. Tomorrow = NOTHING PLANED. I think I may go to the Salvage Yard Church at night, but pretty much just get some homework done. look for somewhere to work, and try and send out those scholarship letters!!! yeah! yeah!
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I am so ashamed with how I don't trust the Lord... when the going gets tough, I become so fearful with how things are going to tie together. Then I finally give it up, and give it to God, and then he blesses me in such amazing ways--such as spontaneously giving me $90 in the past day. And scholarships to be able to do things I want to do. And (God WILLING) a job that will help me be able to travel...What in the world... We have such a great God, who if he cares about our temporary well being, how much MORE does he care about our ETERNAL well being !?
Also, I've been reading Micah lately, and this really struck me:
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Though this is not always easy. The computer screen numbs the mind. The business of life crowds the brain. No time to think, no time to create, only time to get by. I have far too long lived by this. But in this moment, while I have time, I want to look out from my window, and see the bright blue sky contrast with the bright white snow. I want to look at the people walking past the porch of my house, and see them not as threats, but instead as Children of God. I want to look at this room around me, with all the old wood and structure, and ponder all the people that have lived in this house before me.
Life becomes a lot more interesting when you put down the tasks, and you breath in His creation.
Another thing I have been learning to look at, are hands. In Julia's book, she writes, "hands bear the story lips won't tell." It's so true that hands tell the life stories of people. I've been looking at my hands a lot lately, and the hands of others.
My hands tell a story of priveldge. No deep scars or cuts from a hard life. Just white with priveldge. Yet, there are certain marks that tell of stories I would rather not share with my lips. For instance, my anxiety and worry. I scrap and I bite and I tear my fingers apart when I worry. Though my hands have priveldge, they have doubt and worry. One finger even has a big bump from writing too hard. Overall me trying to hard to please and to excel... ever doubting that I can make it with who I am. I have just a tad bit of henna left on my finger nails... the henna that does not come off until I just let it grow off... The henna that makes me look like I've been eating cheetos all day. This shows of my love for other cultures, even to the point of wanting to deny my own culture and pick up another. The lack of jewlery around my hand tells of two stories. One is of my lack of desire for the fancy things of life. The other is my clumsiness that I tend to loose any and all rings that are on my finger. It also tells a story of singleness right now in my life. The constant cracking of my fingers tells a story of a childhood of shuffling decks of cards... sometimes even 2-3 decks at a time.
As you can see, just looking at my hands, I can start to write my story. Yet, it does not stop there. Because my hands cannot tell the full story, that my identity lies deeper, deeper in my bones. My identity lives in Christ. And the fact that the hands that I have were crafted by HIS hands. That I am the Lord's workmanship, and I am an image of God, and so with these white, worrisome hands, I am called to serve HIM by serving others. Through shaking hands, shoveling snow, pouring coffee, hugging, holding, typing, writing, anything that I do should be done to better this world and to better lives.
That's all the time I have to reflect right now. Which is pretty sad. But, praise the Lord for the open mornings he has given me to spend time in prayer, in Word, and in contemplation...
Amen.
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It's a lot of work. It's not always fun. But man... when mornings like this happen--it's completely worth it.
Just meeting with fellow sisters in the Word. After waking up, drinking some coffee together, and digging into prayer and the Word... it's just awesome. Praying and confessing with eachother is just a beautiful thing. It was awesome. I feel like the Lord has completely been growing community in this house the last two weeks or so. I know we just started in classes, and so life might start getting crazy... but it's just wonderful how the Lord's been tearing down barriors that were up. We just all have to live intentionally and die to self every day. It's hard. really hard. But so dang worth it....
I'm excited for what the Lord is doing in my life right now. It really is beautiful. I just pray I'm being a good steward of the life he's given me. Only by HIS grace.
Shalom.
]]>Take a moment to thank the Lord for the body he's given you, and the complexity of the human body.
Take a moment to think about your past... the bad times, but mainly all the good times. The times that have just, left you breathless.
Take a moment to quiet your mind. Far too many times we don't take time to give our brain a rest.
Take a moment to read some of the Good Word. This will help you find strength where there is none, and hope when all seems hopeless.
Take a moment to give someone a big hug and show God's love to someone.
Take a moment to be.
That's all.
]]>One was about Isaiah 52--"Wake up, wake up, o Zion! Clothe yourself with strength. Put on your beautiful clothes, O holy city of Jerusalem, for unclean and godless people will enter your gates no longer. Rise from the dust, O Jerusalem. Sit in a place of honor. Remove the chains of slavery from your neck, O captive daughter of Zion!"
Overall I have listened to the lies of the devil that have constantly kept me in chains of my past failures. My past lusts, mistakes, wrongdoings... I was lying flat on my back letting oppression step all over me. I would every once in a while get an image of the past, or a little whisper of guilt and condemnation, and I would believe it. BUT, That's not the way I was meant to live! I am meant to live free and for him! AMEN! When we mess up, we are to turn our backs from those things and point our eyes to HIM. Because His pleasure is so so so much more powerful than any other pleasure! The rest will fall into place. God is a God of pleasure. But yes, so I was able to stand up, and just say. Hey. I'm waking up. I'm done with this guilt thing. NO MORE!
Then I was in the prayer room for a bit, and MAN, I love the prayer room. I was able to read some scripture about spiritual gifts and manifestations, and it gave me peace about not being able to speak in tongues. It helped me see that I just need to be seeking the Lord in love, and he'll give me the gifts he wants.... I'm thinking of going to this info meeting tonight about receiving the gifts of tongues. We'll see what happens. But yeah, I was just reading and then all of a sudden there was a song about freedom! And I just got up and danced like I've never danced before. I am still sore from it 2 days later... ahah. But it was just nice to express my freedom in the Lord!
The rest of the night was again that distance. No bueno. But overall fellowship with my sister and her friends was really great--there is a great group of people here.
I slept in in the morning, to kinda just rejuvenate and get ready for the last 2 days. It was such a great idea. I was able to listen to what the Lord was doing in Alysha and Marisa's life. Then we went and walked around KC for a bit. It was 60, sunny, and breezy. It was amazing. AMAZING. Haha, I think that really woke up my soul, to be honest. That, along with some awesome talking and prayer time with Marisa. There's something about prayer, when you're amidst hundreds of fellow believers who are just in the park singing, dancing, playing Frisbee, playing guitar... just, loving on God. It was a great glimpse of what Heaven may look like some day.
Then we got in there, and man. I felt it. It was something that you can't fake, you can't make up. You can feel it. So that was awesome, and it was a really good session, but then I was just like... PRAYER ROOM! So I went, and man. It was beautiful. I felt like I was praying for the first time in a very very long time. I was just taking time to intercede, and man, it was powerful. Hmmm. God is good.
Then we went to Michelle's family's house. That was really great, to have a nice big meal and just talk and relax and process through a little bit. EXCELLENT. Then we went back and again worship was just so alive and great, and then the message was. Man. Powerful.
He talked about how God became man, and therefore there is a man sitting on the right hand of the throne to intercede for us... but like, he chose. HE CHOSE to redeem mankind through entering into human form. Wow. And so with that, he loves our body form. He went through the awkward stages in life, and probably didn't have a 100% BOD and wasn't like some super hero figure. Anyway--basically, the devil hates our body. He hates that God took human form. So, he whispers lies. He gets us to either perverse it through sexual immortality (which is a sin again ourselves), or eating disorders, or self-hate, or depression, or cutting, or suicide thoughts... he delights when we hate ourselves. Because we are hating something that the Lord made holy.
NO MORE. NO MORE!!! We need to just remember that the Lord loves us and our body so much. Yes, we should take care of it--but not brutally and not because we think that if we're more in shape we'll be happier and fulfilled.
Another truth that the Lord's been working on is through the song is he "Knew What He Was Getting Into" when He called me... when all I see is my failure, he can see deeper than that. AMEN. He's alongside me during this process of sanctification, and it's beautiful that he still wants me even after all my failures and short comings. AMEN! And at the end of the story, I'll come out of the wilderness... AMEN. We only see a little bit of our life story with God, and he sees the full thing.
He also confirmed in my heart my deep desire to see the Kingdom of God reflected in our churches--meaning the multi-ethnic and cross-cultural churches. The Body of Christ is multi-cultural, so why aren't our churches? Anyway, it just got me excited to see SO many different cultures worshiping together, experiencing the same Spirit. And it just again, laid a burden on my heart for the many people I love so much that have not experienced yet the fullness of what the Lord has in store for them!! I just get so excited when I think about worshipping Yahweh next to some of my friends... I pray that will come to pass!
Marisa prayed something over me--that the Lord has overall placed some of his glory in different cultures--some that recognize it and glorify him with that, others that do not know him yet. She said that The Lord was going to show me some of the beautiful ways that he has manifested in different cultures, specifically Somali, Bhutanese-Nepali, and Hmong... that made me excited. I hope that comes to past, and that he'll continue to work that in me.
Man. I feel like there is so much more. There really is. I could share a lot more about what the Lord was teaching me and showing me. I think one thing for sure is--I am completely broke without him. During worship tonight, I was just so broken with how much I desired to feel the Lord's presence imparted in me. I wanted to FELL the Holy Spirit moving. I was just shaking and crying just desperate for his touch. I didn't receive everything I was praying for (prayer language, physical feelings, ect...) BUT, he did grant me the ability to be used by him in some healings, along with the sense of desperation for him that is so important in a relationship with God! We CANNOT think that we can do it with or without him! We need to be broken of that! I certainly was today.
I'm continuing to pray for the prayer language, and continuing to pray that I can fellowship with the holy spirit and enjoy time with him and serving others for His glory... It was amazing to experience how God was working in the lives of so many this break, along with just overall being able to fellowship with some amazing people, worship God for a couple days with NO distractions or responsibilities... yeah. It was a really good break. And, I'm convinced IHOP isn't the cult I was worried it was... J Praise the Lord.
This year, I have been experiencing God in completely new ways. A big thanks to my friend Sarah A. for helping me process through many of those things. Through the thick and thin, I know that no matter what I experience at IHOP, my salvation is not dependent on it (meaning that even if I feel the phsyical manisfastation or not...).
I am hoping to dig in deeper to what it means to be baptized with the spirit, and see what many people are teaching about the End times. This blog is to help me kinda weed through many emotions I'll probably be feeling, but also for the edification of the Church with my friends and family.
Things I would LOVE prayer for:
That should be enough. But overall for well being and a biblical perspective on all of this!
Thanks everyone for prayers and support!
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Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complte honesty!
When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone!!!!
Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control."
Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! SHOUT FOR JOY, ALL YOU WHOSE HEARTS ARE PURE!!!
AMEN!!! That was Psalm 32. At first, I was only going to quote the bolded parts, but then I realized how beautiful this Psalm was, so I should do it all!
I don't mean naked in the physical sense. But can we just, can we stop trying so hard to cover ourselves, and to pretend we are perfect, and keep on putting up these fake smiles... and just... be. naked. Admit that we really, really do need a savior? instead of trying to be our own?
The weekend of the big blizzard Kara and I (and Sarah for a bit) went out and helped get people out of ditches and unburied in snow... It's something to be proud of, and happy that I did, I know. But. Man, during that time, I had so many negative thoughts... so many thoughts of just wanting to go inside, be warm, and say "screw this!"... so many thoughts of anger and bitterness. This is just to show how a person can be doing these great things, but inside they could be disgusting.
Now don't get me wrong. I praise the Lord for the sanctifying work he's been doing in my heart. Forming, kneading, strengthening all of me to make me the creation I was meant to be. Yet there was something about that Fall of humanity with Adam and Eve that made my body split. By nature, I am sinful and unclean. I want to cover up my sin, I desire man's affections before God's, I am desperate to seek approval of people, I am bitter about situations in my life that didn't work out the way I thought. I. Need. God.
It is ONLY by the grace of God that I can even start to weed through and expose my sins... THEN the Lord will forgive my sins (or atone..., which means... to COVER OVER) Once I start to confess my sins, then Jesus will take it over and cover it with the blood he shed on Good Friday. AMEN.
I'm encouraged by this passage:
"So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ." -- 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12.
So, once we confess our sins and start becoming naked, the Lord will start to use our lives to honor HIS name! With us being naked, it'll be ever more evident that it is Christ working in us, because we will show we have no strength on our own! It'll only be God--and therefore it says we too will be honored with him. Wow. crazy.
Alright. I'll end this blog for now. But I just wanted to take some time to expose myself a little bit, praise the Lord for atonement and empowerment, and encourage you all to realize that we NEED Christ... not just Christians... but EVERYONE! (I know this isn't politically correct, but I say it because I love you)
side note: I cannot wait until God's perfect rest, because even though this break has been restful... It isn't the rest that my soul is yearning for. Amen.
]]>It has not been perfect, nor completely edifying. But I have been pointed to Christ more and more and more, and it's been very humbling to be here. I'm realizing how unprepared I am to go into ministry, yet how excited I am to just be a vessel to the Lord and be willing to let Him work in my anyway he wants.
I've been starting my internship now, a little more intentionally, and it's been a blessing and a challenge all at the same time. It mainly comes down to Thursday nights. During this time I've been blessed with the opportunity to serve alongside some awesome people. A lot of people that come in here have an amazing testimony how the Lord has saved them from a life of addictions and worldly desires to now serving the Lord. I also run into a lot of conversations with people not having faith in God anymore due to bad histories of (sad to say) often the Catholic church. It's been an amazing opportunity where I feel open and a spirit of confidence to share the Gospel with hurting people (THAT'S ALL OF US). It's really helped me see that I, to be honest, don't want to be involved with any kinds of drugs or alcohol. I don't want to end up down the road with a whole lot of money gone and my heart a slave to something else. The Lord brings us freedom from all of that--I don't even want to try it.
We met with Pastor Ben and Jordan today. It was interesting when we got on the topic of recovery, and they basically said "everyone deals with habitual sins... urban people are just a lot more open with talking about it" and "everyone's a hypocrite. but some people are just better at it then others" MAN. truth. So it was interesting to see this all come into action. Due to our run in with Devan today... with him just exposing his sins and his past and his need for Jesus for sobriety. I love it. God is so good.
Told you this one would be short! :)
]]>ROOMDUDES: ALTHOUGH I really really miss my old roomdudes of 205... my housemate situation this year is also amazing. We all come from very different backgrounds and walks of life and it truly is beautiful to see how God can be the center of the relationship, therefore 3 stranded and strong. We have laughed together, cried together (though I seem to be the one doing the most crying...) and overall praised the LORD together. There is accountability, grace, and love through Jesus Christ in this house, and that's been amazing. There's also been a ton of fun in Jesus' name... so that's fun too! :) (aka late night dance parties, late night sitting on the kitchen floor eating, singing, and talking and fun walks/adventures around the neighborhood!!) A lot of conversations have started just on a regular basis of asking each other what we've been learning in the Word lately, or what we think about this or that... EVEN helping some people *ahem, me* get past her anxiety attacks of going grocery shopping...!!! So yes, that's the roommate situation. ONE issue I have with community living though: cleanliness. that's all I gotta say.
CLASSES: Here's where right now I'm struggling to find the flow/balance, just because lately every week has been so different! But that's a good thing too. I'm learning a lot in my classes (which it shows when I obnoxiously point things out when I'm with other people... haha) and I just pray that it won't just stay as head knowledge, but I would be constantly checking it, applying it, and living it! Because the Lord calls us not to just believe with our hearts... but also with our minds AND our strength (hands/action!). One interesting thing that I learned is that have you ever noticed it is only English where "I" is capitalized.. like, "yo" in Spanish is not... nor any other language. Doesn't it just go to show how we truly are quite individualized, where we feel like we need to capitalize "i"?? HMmmmm... think-think, think about it....
NEIGHBORHOOD: It's been really hard to really connect significantly with the neighbors... Most of the housing on the street is transitional/half way housing for men coming out of either addictions or prison, and so as a girl, I need to realize that there's a pretty big line with "cross-gender ministry" that I should not cross... yet still wanting to show God's love and light to them. Then there's Portland Village, which was very nice to get to visit during Principles of Urban Ministry... Portland Village is a housing outreach to homeless families, which it's a supportive and sober housing. So that's amazing, but they are very much "protected" with fences and overall not too open to having strangers walking around in there, understandably... So it's been hard to really meet many of the families there (not impossible, but just hard...). Then there's our neighbors to the right of us, who are a group of 20 some-things that are all moving in this next week, sadly. We were just starting to get to know them a bit better, but now their lease is up and they're all moving out!! But a whole group of people from Bethel are moving in, and it should be very interesting to meet and greet them... Rob said that they were real awkward... soooo, if ROB thinks they're awkward... they must be! haha. But I"m really looking forward to it! :) and then our neighbors on the left are Oromo, and we occasionally see them outside, but it's been a challenges to find a way to connect or have an "in" with them. I'm so used to having SALT where that is our connection, and we can move from there, whereas here I have to be more creative in finding ways to significantly connect! God is powerful though. Then there's the Egyptian family that I have NO idea where they always are... I think we've seen them ONCE.... and Kara and I (the neighborhood creepers...) always get way too happy! It's especially hard when you know you're just going to be moving in 8 or so more months... and I also am still very much connected to Concordia/St. Paul and that neighborhood, and so I just feel so torn!
INTERNSHIP: Haven't really started yet... kinda been an interesting road... but praying that God will show me why he has me there... I'm praying that I'll really invest in it and glorify GOD in it!!! I'm also hoping to do a project for SALT for the advanced leadership thingy or whatever, and I pray that the Lord will bless that and it'll somehow advance the kingdom of God in the Somali people!
SPIRITUAL LIFE: It really is true that this program will dry you up and spit you out if you don't make time for the LORD. It's very demanding, and if you're not constantly feeding yourself with the Word and the Lord's strength, you'll get burnt out faster than you know it. I've been really realizing how precious it is to daily spend time in the Word and in prayer. Yet not to just make it a once a day kinda thing, but to hopefully just constantly be praying and meditating and speaking the Word, so that he would TRULY be glorified in what I do. I've been going to a lot of different churches lately. Mostly St. Paul's, but also Igelsia Cristiano Centro de Minneapolis, and Way of the Lord, and also Jubilee... aha. Way of the Lord has been such a blessing to me, and just in the two weeks of being there I have felt and seen the Holy Spirit working in ways that I have not seen or felt before... God is so so good... He's SO above all these different denominations and everything, I just pray that we would all see that!!! ALSO, this is a bit more personal, cus I was thinking about writing it in a new paragraph, but I figured that if some people were STILL reading after all this... they deserve to read this! haha. But as far as personal life goes, it's been new and interesting. I'm single, as you all know (or should know...haha) and it's been...new and interesting. I have not been single for this long ever since, I think 9th grade... and so needless to say, I've had to make some adjustments. and I mean, this isn't even like "I'm single, but I'm 'seeing' someone" type of thing. This is "I'm a single, woman of God who is trying to find her place in the Lord and who he's calling her to be." type of thing. And some days, I truly am seeking out the Lord and placing it ALL on him... the trust, the loneliness, the hurt from the past, the hopes for the future... other times I find myself falling back into my worldly view of just wanting someone to talk to and confide in and care about... But the Lord has been SO faithful in who he's placed me with and surrounded me with, and I just truly feel God's grace that he "gives and takes away" and right now, he's truly GIVEN me singleness as a gift to cherish, as I (maybe) will not have that the rest of my life! SO, that's a little bit more about my personal issue of dating and what not in my life... haha
Thank you all for reading this. It was mainly for myself to get it all out... as the cashier at Target said today... the world today is so crowded... physically, but also in people's heads... people's minds are just so crowded that it hinders their ability to care for other people. I don't want that to be me... to have so much just rolling around in my head and then not realize that I want to care and love other people!!!!! SO, that was my processing and letting go, so I can learn MORE stuff!!!
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There I will be helping out at their coffee house dealio, trying to just outreach to the community and everything. I'm praying that God will use me as an instrument there, I'm a bit nervous as far as what all that will look like, but mainly excited. This is something I've been hoping to get involved in for a while, so I'm pumped! This will call for a lot of practice with grace. God is so good.
In the neighborhood, it really is, the hood... haha yet God has been so good in revealing himself in the city, and how much he loves it and is moving in it. It's really quite amazing. It's been excellent living with people that are not from my same upbringing, especially with LCMS... It's very refreshing and fun to learn different believer's beliefs... yet not letting that divide ourselves!
The classes are so interesting. As soon as I walk out of the church, I see and experience pretty much all of what we just learned. It's so amazing, I love it! It's only about 6 people in the program, and so it's very intimate and personal and just really awesome. The professors are awesome as well. I'm excited to put my honors skills to a test, and question things, and make connections... awesome. I love it.
God is so so good, as far as the community he has placed me in. It's filled with women of God who we can just be real with each other about our weaknesses and pains and all that. It's been really good for me to be surrounded by girls and NOT by boys... God needs to refocus my life.
Anyway. We've only had one week of classes, and I'm very much looking forward to what's going on in God's huge plan of the cities!!!
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