Jackie Wiebold

I love to laugh, so in Mechthild's description of the six virtues of St. Dominic, one of her quotes caught my eye.  She lived in the thirteenth century and left her life a daughter in a noble family to join a Beguine community and live a life of prayer and mortification.  This excerpt comes from her book The Flowing Light of the Godhead, which was a description of her visions from God.  As Placher writes, this section "shows her characteristically gentle (but systematic!) approach, her admiration of St. Dominic and the 'Order of Preachers' (Dominicans) he founded, and her ideal of leaders who would be truly the servants of those they lead" (Callings, 150).  I think Mechthild would certainly agree that "I" should be a Christian.  She talks about the transformation from sinner to virtuous being that comes with following God.  I'm not sure, however, how she'd feel about the word public.  Her description of a faithful bride who awakens and thinks of her lover makes me think that her outlook on Christianity is focused on the personal, even intimate, relationship one has with Christ.  I don't mean to say that she would discourage public faith, but I don't think that's her main focus. 

 

The quote that really stood out to me falls under the heading "The Six Virtues of St. Dominic."  After describing his first four characteristics, Mechthild writes,

 

And our Lord continued: 'I shall mention two more things.  Whenever Dominic laughed, he did so with true delight of the Holy Spirit.  But when he wept, he wept with such sincerity that first and foremost among his desires he always put his brethren before my eyes and, in addition, with all his strength, Holy Christianity."  Before this I did not know that any laughing could be free of frivolity and not wrong.... (Mechthild, as cited in Callings, 151). 

 

I feel as if the phrase "gave you a new insight" might be a bit of an exaggeration of my reaction to this quote, but it absolutely made me stop and think.  I don't understand how someone could live their life thinking all laughter was wrong, lacking value or significance, and just flat out buffoon like (I looked up frivolity in my dictionary and acting like a buffoon was in the definition).  I can understand thinking that laughter at really lame jokes (like the ones I try and make a lot) or inappropriate things can be unnecessary, but to say that all laughter, up until the point of St. Dominic, was insignificant and wrong is something I can't fathom.    I'm guessing Mechthild probably wouldn't have liked me.  But, on the other hand, what kind of laughter must St. Dominic have had if it could change such a terrible view?  I wish I had that kind of laughter, laughter "with true delight of the Holy Spirit."  Working with Make-A-Wish, and the wish children, I have a feeling there's going to be some laughter, at least I hope there will be anyways (I speak in future tense because I'm going to be granting my first wish with a child in the near future).  And what laughter could contain more "true delight" than that of child who is having their wildest dream turned into reality?  Maybe "a new insight" is an appropriate term.  Though it sounds kind of cheesy, Mechthild has inspired me to look for laughter containing "the true delight of the Holy Spirit" not just during my project, but everywhere.  Maybe hearing some will help me to stop wasting laughter on frivolous things.    

The story of the life of Antony comes from Athanasius, a theologian of the early church who was driven into exile by several emperors.  While he was in exile in the Egyptian desert he met Antony.  Raised as a Christian, Antony was instilled with the desire to life a life pleasing to God at a young age.  When his parents passed away, leaving him to care for their household and his sister at the age of about twenty, he followed the advice of Matthew 19:21 which reads "If you would be perfect, go and sell what you have and give it to the poor; and come follow me, and you shall have treasure in heaven."  Most of the story takes place after this point and Athanasius describes the trails and joys Antony experienced throughout the rest of his life.  I would say that there was no doubt in Antony's mind that he, and everyone, should be a Christian.  Athanasius even writes, "But when he was grown and arrived at boyhood, and was advancing in years, he could not endure to learn letters, not caring to associate with other boys; but all his desire was, as it is written of Jacob, to live a plain man at home" (Callings, 59).  Antony's foremost desire was to be a plain man of God, just as Jacob had been.  Knowing what he would say about public Christian faith is a little harder.  While I don't think he would ever even consider denying his faith, his years spent in solitude suggest that he believes Christianity is more about the vertical one on one relationship with God rather than the horizontal relationships with his fellow believers. 

 

At the risk of being a total nerd, I have to admit that Antony's description of his role models brought to my mind Rogue from the X-men.  "One he admired for his endurance, another for his fasting and sleeping on the ground; the meekness of one and the long-suffering of another he watched with care... Thus filled, he returned to his own place of discipline, and henceforth would strive to unite the qualities of each, and was eager to show in himself the virtues of all" (Callings, 61).  While Rogue may have considered her ability to absorb the mutant abilities of those she touched a curse, Antony felt exactly the opposite, and would in fact strive to obtain the virtuous qualities he observed in others.  What a daunting task and an incredible example.  I know that, personally, when I see a characteristic in someone else that I know I lack I'm more likely to complain about it, or even complain that God didn't give it to me, rather than work to change myself.  But because Antony was willing to deny himself and study these people he became "beloved by all" (Callings, 61).  By taking the time and self discipline to learn from his own role models, Antony was able to become a role model to others as well.

 

I can say that there have been several role models in my life that have helped influence my decision to enter into church work.  One in particular is so devoted to God and turns to Him at every point in her life, studying the Word and devotions on a daily basis.  Another is so eloquent in his faith; he can speak to nearly any audience at a moment's notice.  Unlike Antony, however, while I covet (which in itself is my first down fall) these characteristics, I'm not usually willing to discipline myself until I obtain them.  I hope that someday I can become a role model that has some of those "virtuous" characteristics.  I don't have a reference for it, but I have heard it said that we witness strongly in our vulnerability.  While I may never have all of the characteristics Antony did, I do hope that even in my failings I can still be a role model and a witness to God. 

Tertullian, who wrote sometime between 160 and 225, was a Christian convert who established a latin base for what previously had been a Greek based religion (Callings, 51).  This excerpt, entitled "Apology,"  he wrote to the Roman emperor defending Christians from the rumors that were being spread about them (Callings, 51).  He defended Christianity by claiming the majority of criticisms were rooted in ignorance, and he tried to revive the livliness that had existed in the early church (Callings 52).  I believe that Tertullian would argue that people should most definitely be Christian, and very public about it.  He writes that "those who once hated Christianity because they knew nothing about it, no sooner come to know it than they all lay down at once their enmity" (Callings, 52).  As an apologist Tertullian obviously believed in defending Christianity, not shying away from criticism about it.  Also,  because he was writing to the emperor of the time, it can be inferred that he was very public about his beliefs and his defense of them.  In his description of how easily "haters" turned to Christianity after learning about it, it seems as though he's arguing that it is "that easy" to be a Christian.  The fact that he is arguing against rumors and criticisms that are focused on Christians shows that Christian life wasn't necessarily easy.

Tertullian responds to criticisms of sacrificing by saying "we do not worship your gods, because we know that there are no such beings.  This, therefore, is what you should do: you should call on us to demonstrate their non-existence, and thereby prove that they have no claim to adoration; for only if your gods were truly so, would there be any obligation to render divine homage to them...." (Callings, 54).  If I was to rewrite this today, I think it would say we don't pay homage to your gods because they don't exist, and there's no point in recognizing fictional beings (there are probably those who would argue that recognizing is too general of a term, but here I mean recognizing as one worthy of worship and sacrifice).  He makes a good point, but one that probably wasn't satisfactory to the Romans.  It's easy for those who are on his side to support his argument, but those who do believe that their gods exists are not going to see this as a satisfactory answer.  I do think he raises a better point in his discussion of the behavior Christians have after converting, and therefore their influence on Roman society.  "The father, who used to be so patient, now disinherits his son even though he is now obedient" (Callings, 53).  He's arguing that while Christianity in fact makes citizens better at their roles, the world instead views them as worse at them.  It's ironic, and I think this is a really good argument. 

I think Tertullian would agree that the two criticisms he presents here would apply to our world today as well.  For one, I think his ignorance argument still stands.  A lot of Christian criticism steams from the way Christians behave and act in spite of what they profess to believe.  If both Christians and non-Christians took the time to learn, and Christians live by, what we profess, a lot of criticism would disappear. I also think he would agree that the church today still lacks the rigor of the early church, maybe even in a Claiborne-like way.  What I think is different about Christians today from those in Tertullian's time would have to be the "blind hatred" he describes.  While I know that it exists in our world today, it's not something that I have really seen first hand.  I've heard of people being disowned for Christianity and such things, but it's not very widespread in the narrow section of the world I live in.  I know that's a very shallow, probably self-centered way to look at it, but for me it's the contrast between the attitude towards Christians in Tertullian's time and ours.  While the I believe the criticisms that Tertullian had of Christians in his time still exist, I also think that the overall opinion of Christians isn't as harsh as it used to be, at least in the here and now.

Well, this break isn't going to be much of a break for my project.  As a result of transportation issues and poor timing I'm a ways behind on my hours, so during break I'm hoping to work with both the Make-a-Wish foundation in Portland, OR and the Mother Bear Project.  I also need to work on rewriting Chapters One and Two to include my second organization.  While these tasks are going to make the "break" not so much of a break, I'm still really looking forward to volunteering.  I really enjoy working in the community and I'm a little disappointed that it requires so much effort to volunteer at an off campus organization here. 

In spite of last semesters complications, I have high hopes for next semester.  Now that all my training is complete I can start granting wishes right away and I will hopefully be able to grant at least two or three before the end of my project.  So the end of the semester is the beginning of a fresh start on my project.  Hopefully a start without all of the technical difficulties. 

Last week I stumbled upon an organization called the Mother Bear Project, which sends homemade teddy bears to AIDS affected children in Africa.  I was really excited to find this program because knitting and teddy bears are two of my favorite things and the social problem the organization addresses fits in really well with my project.  While the children that are being helped aren't in exactly the same circumstances both organizations work to bring hope, joy, and comfort to children in the midst of their illnesses. 

While I'm not exactly looking forward to re-writing chapters one and two to include this new organization I'm really happy to have found it.  I was a little concerned about getting enough hours and I think this is really going to help.  In addition to knitting the organization also has volunteering opportunities available to help teach others how to knit the bears and to get them ready for shipping to Africa.  Even though the general social issue is still the same this organization will allow me to work with it from a slightly different angle, giving me more experience and perspective from this project. 

 

At this point in time I'm still riding through my project on the joy of getting to work with this foundation.  It's been an incredible experience so far, and it's only going to keep getting better.  Right now I'm in the process of granting a wish for a child.  With that comes a lot more commitment and planning.  I'm no longer the only one who has the potential to be affected (either positively or negatively) by this project.  As soon as the child gets involved the responsibility placed upon me increases tenfold.  After my recent Lincoln post involving my like-ness to McClellan, I've once again come to realize that I'm going to need to stay on top of my aversion to responsibility in order to not mess this up for the child.  I'm continuing to hope and pray that everything will work out for the best, not for me, but for the children I get to help.  

Saturday was the big day, I spent five hours in Minneapolis attending wish granter training.  I'm now officially qualified to start granting children's wishes.  While I have to be honest and admit that every moment of the training wasn't entirely exciting (especially the binder full of protocols and policies), I had a great time and I'm so thankful to be working with this organization. 

The part of training that I found the most enjoyable was the "mock wish granting" activity we did.  Each group was given a scenario of a child who had a wish in mind and was asked to come up with a plan to grant their wish.  My group got the seven year old girl who wished to be a princess :)  We spent the next half hour or so designing the world's greatest princess ball (complete with horse drawn carriage) for an imaginary girl.  If we had that much fun making a make believe wish come true I can't image what it'll feel like to work with a real child. 

The meeting also gave me an idea for another component of my project that would be on campus and easier for me to access.  At each initial wish interview the wish granters bring wish bags (that's a lot of wishes) for the child and any of their siblings that are 18 years or younger.  The bags are made up of small toys and activities that are donated to the organization.  They help make the siblings feel included and break the ice with the child.  I think it would be beneficial to the organization and to my project to organize a small toy drive here at Concordia.  Doing so would provide more opportunities for me to learn about a different aspect of volunteering. 

Now that the training process is fully complete, I'm really looking forward to placing the majority of my focus on working with the wish children.  The more I get involved the more I'm coming to realize that this experience is going to be so much more than a school project.  The fact that the presentational video almost brought me to tears is just piece of evidence for this.  This is sure to be an amazing experience.

This Saturday is the big day, I get to go in for Wish Granter training!  After completing this training session I will be able to start working with the Make-A-Wish children individually in order to help make their number one wish come true.  I have to admit, I couldn't be more excited.  This is going to make all the stress, the worrying, and the fighting with bus routes absolutely worth it.  Not that being able to help the organization in any way doesn't justify those complaints, I'm just really excited about being able to do this. 

With that excitement also comes some new fears.  These are big wishes that I'll be dealing with.  Something that is just one wish to me is the biggest dream a child can imagine, and I'm going to be partially responsible for making that dream a reality.  The average cost of each wish is $6,000.  $6,000 that is either donated or raised for the purpose of bringing a humongous smile to a child's face.  I have to say, I don't know that I've ever had that kind of responsibility.  It excites and scares the bajeebers out of me at the same time (bajeebers is a highly technical term :).

Throughout this entire process my prayer is that the Lord will use me in a selfless way so that I can help to make the number one wish of every child I work with come true, without letting my own worries and fears get in my own way. 

One of the biggest things I've struggled with in the last few years is trying to find the right motivations for my actions.  When I was trying to choose a college and ultimately a career path I spent weeks running over my motivations in my head, wondering and analyzing (over analyzing I can now admit, thank you Callings) if I was making the right decision for the right reasons.  For a while I felt like I was choosing the DCE path because I felt that church work couldn't be the wrong choice, but then I had to worry about whether I had chosen it for the right reasons. While I still struggle with some of those issues, I feel like I've come to peace with a lot of my former apprehensions.  In the same way I feel as though I'm coming to peace with my honors project.  As I mentioned before I'm an indecisive person, and I spent a lot of time trying to decide which project would be right for me.  After I decided on the Make-A-Wish foundation I entered into the "questioning my motivations" stage.  I wondered if I was just settling on a project that I thought I could do, I feared that I had chosen the foundation only because it was one that I had heard of and was familiar with.  But now that I've gotten more involved with the program and have started learning more about the families and children that I'll be working with, I've started to come to peace with these decisions as well.  I feel as though the program and the work the volunteers do is so genuine that even if my heart isn't in exactly the right place right now, it can't help but not be by the end of the project.  I'm really looking forward to spending the next several weeks getting past the motivations and focusing on the service that I'll be getting to do. 

Well, it's official, I'm an accepted volunteer at the Make-A-Wish foundation.  On Tuesday I attended a new volunteer orientation session and got my picture taken for my ID badge.  It was really great to go to the physical location of my organization and meet the people that I'll be working with in person.  I loved the atmosphere and I was able to find the building with only one wrong turn :)

Now comes another big step; deciding exactly which volunteer positions I would like to fill with the organization.  They have lots of different opportunities including everything from office work to greeting families at the airport when they arrive in town.  For now I think I'm going to volunteer more in the office, but I'm signed up to attend Wish Granter training towards the end of November.  I'm sure I will gain the most from working with the families and children themselves, but I want to become familiar with the program and learn my way around a little before I jump in with both feet.  As much as I would love to start out working with the families I know this project is absolutely not about me, and it's so much more important for the children to have volunteers who know what they are doing grant their wishes.  I am really excited about getting to work with the wish children though.  At the orientation they showed a video of several of the wishes that had been granted, and it's just an overall amazing experience.  I have a feeling it's going to pull me quite far out of my comfort zone, but I know it's going to be a great experience.  Now that the application process is over I'm really looking forward to starting the service part of the project.